I am Sorry...!

Its a famous saying, if you have enemies in life, it means you've stood up for something in life. In all honesty at first glance the statement sounds very appealing. In most cases it may also sound true with its nature trying to generate an innate form of sympathy and a feeling of self-righteousness. But nobody tells you what to do when this enemy is your own conscience. At this moment a huge tower comes crumbling down on you and you lay in a shambles with a state of mental palsy. In this heightened state of no gray cell support you do end up taking the wrong way.

People say goodbyes are pathetic, I do agree with them. Its the only time when sympathy also finds itself in that pool of unemployment. But another motion that finds itself in the same league is sorry. Perception can be a two faced bitch and they do not necessarily agree with each other even after a comprehensive and rational analysis of both sides.

Everybody makes mistakes. Perception can be very crucial here. One may think the damage is already done, there's not a lot he can do to alter the collision course. Another may believe if a mistake is made, someone has to assume responsibility and that someone has to take subsequent counter-measures and make do for the error.

Now both the cases have their own black and white. The first case is good enough to generate a super massive negative conscience that can actually crumble a person and make him his own slave. The second case defeats the definition of impartiality and causes all kinds predicaments in the way of person who holds himself accountable. I strongly believe in equality and I have to agree logically the second case does make a lot of sense to me. Its also the mature thing to do. Now at this exact point comes a cross-road where your cerebrum refuses its office. Now that you've made the decision of being culpable, what next. How do you really make it up? In some cases the solution is pretty crystal clear, and if you're still in the sphere of trust, it shouldn't be much of a hassle. The crunch time is when you're not even close to the shadow of trust. Even a Mark Antony speech at this time wont save you from the line of fire, how much ever fickle minded your Roman audience is. The firing squad is all set with the scopes pointing at you. One wrong move and you're out of the game already. At this point when you return to the fork, you might have realized that even after assuming responsibility taking the other way out was the better option.

People may look at it as you've taken the easier way out. But even if you have some compassion left in you, realization dawns upon you. The human inside you is still alive even after a stone cold decision. Yes that human in you will prompt you at all times that you've left the other person in a box of despair and killed all kinds of hope. From the Dark Knight, "Sometimes truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more.."

In all certainty, the battle with one's conscience is the most difficult and perilous. Its a herculean task and most people succumb to its wrath. For a simpleton, its called forgetting everything and moving on. For the ones who are still on battlefield, just have to do enough good that someday you can step up to your conscience and say, I'm sorry for everything. Only at this point are you purged of all the mistakes that have been committed. As for the person who got the raw deal, they have their own conscience crusade, don't be disturbed by one horrendous experience, keep faith! The world is still full of good people! :)

Day at a Chicago Expo

Academia at UIC was a novel experience for me. It failed my head why homework was given so much of preference. Ultimately I did realize the gravity of the allotted job and was dawned with a happy realization that students around took it seriously! However I did feel the urgency to expand my sphere of intelligence. I had already joined the Formula Student team and I remember the Automation Expo I had attended back in Mumbai. Out of all the expos, this one was my favorite. The product base was so vast, we could virtually make the whole car at the expo. No one was sponsoring is another heart-rending story all-together!

So I read about a similar expo happening at McCormick Place. That was downtown, I was dying to do downtown for eons! I registered for the event via FSAE. However I was smart enough to put my company as University of Illinois at Chicago. I thought it would help for networking if someone had to look me up!

So after a regular day at class, I was off to McCormick Place. I was already conscious of what I was wearing. A T-Shirt, jeans and a pair of converse didnt seem very conducive for the event. However I took a 2nd opinion to make myself feel at peace and the Team Captain said you need to look like a student! Well I wasnt looking like a beggar, so its cool!

McCormick Place was bigger than what I expected. It looked so posh with the over the road building transfer section, I was instantly drooling! It was an indoor expo. My sister being in Exhibition Display and Design, I had 1% of her gray matter and experience implanted in me too and I wondered, how the hell did they get the machines in! Then the light shone bright, who cares, just go watch! I knew this was going to be another virtually make the car in an instant, what I didnt know was it was bigger than what I imagined it to be!

So I saved myself a $55 entrance fee since I was registered online and they gave me my ID Card. It had a lot of stuff written on it, along with my University. Now in the Indian system, I understood designation as Mr. or Miss or Mrs. or something. It also came before my name when I was filling the form. And then I realized I was supposed to write Mechanical Engineering! Hmph, STRIKE 1! Anyway, it was now time to step into the expo! I was trying very hard to forget my mistake! There was a huge bag rack with bags on it. I picked one thinking I'll collect brochures from everywhere!

So let's face it, it was bigger than the Indian expo for sure. I could already see that. I started walking in the first aisle. The stalls were not as grand as the one in the Indian expo. They seemed more focus on the product and its applications rather than the layout of the stall. Obviously the big wigs had bigger space, but I guess my sister will be bankrupt if she opens a company subsidiary here. So everyone greeted very nicely asking how I was, how my day was and stuff. They didnt differentiate me as a student and tried to get rid of me. Someone almost thought I represented the University of Illinois at Chicago! Hmph! In Converse?

I soon realized the MR. on my card was pretty misleading for people. So I cancelled it and wrote Mechanical Engineering Student. Now I felt much better about everything! So people were also looking for students. The expo was divided so beautifully that all the manufacturers were together, all surgical equipment guys were together, the precision movement companies were paired together. In India you would have had the bearing guys scattered all over the place! There were other superb innovations that blew my mind away. Rapid prototyped metal, wow! How the hell did they do that? Or 3-D Scanning, the opposite of Rapid Prototyping! I was amazed out of my head!

Another thing was when I was at the 3M exhibit. We were talking and he wanted my contact details. In this position I would usually pull out my Orion Racing India visiting cards! But I was no longer a part of ORI. So when I thought of writing it down, this guy came with a barcode scanner, scanned the barcode on my badge and voila! He now knew where I stayed. I was hoping he'd pass it on to his colleague and she would make good use of it! Even an e-mail would be convincing! :P

Ultimately the expo ended at at 4. People started leaving. I left too with memories of my first expo which had already left me spellbound! I hope to be back soon! :)

Dell Customer "CARE"

Well a few months back I had an unusual experience. Probably something totally out of the blue and you wouldnt really expect something like that to happen to you at 11 in the morning! But anyway it was a memorable one! I had been ignoring my precious DVD drive in my laptop and it was now time to call Dell Customer Care since I had a warranty! Woohoo! :P

So I get their number from the website and dial it from the phone! After some jazzy music a nice voice picked up on the other side! Now the voice didnt really give me the feeling that today's gonna be a nice day but yea surely I had different thoughts after the call! Anyway here's back to fixing my laptop? (Or was it just the reason?)

DCC - Hello this is ____________. How may I help you today? (I dont remember her name!)

Me - Good morning! I own a Dell Inspiron 15R and I have some problems with my DVD drive! Its not reading DVD's!

DCC - Surely sir, I will sort your problem out! Can I have your service tag please?

Before I could respond, Its at the back of your laptop right below the barcode on the left! I had never heard such detailed instructions over the phone before! Anyway I wasnt really into the phone call at the start!

Me - Its _______________.

DCC - Okay great! She plugs in the number and types stuff for a while! Okay sir, I see your laptop is in warranty but I see that your warranty is about expire.

Me - I know. Exactly why I called! :P

DCC - Sir we have some new plans that we could help you out with! There are monthly, one yearly and three yearly plans! The costs are ______________.

Me - Okay! I'll be shifting to another country in some time so I guess they wont be applicable then!

DCC - Where are you going?

Me - United States of America.

DCC - Oh! We have plans for that as well! She looks up stuff on her laptop for 30 secs and is like we have this plan, that plan! Goes on blabbering for 2 minutes! I guess her voice sounded good so I didnt say anything? :P

Are you interested sir?

Me - No thank you. I'd just like the DVD player fixed!

DCC - Surely sir I can help you out with that as well! (Wasnt that the thing I called up for?) Do you have the Dell CD's and DVD's with you?

Me - What? You'll sent stuff with the laptop? I have no idea!

DCC - Yes sir! Please check your packet! I'm sure its there inside!

I raced to the other room to look for the packet! Meanwhile as I was carefully taking the packet out,

DCC - This is the second time today! Even one of the previous customers had no idea that we had sent some CD's and DVD's with the laptop! I asked him to look for it and he couldnt do it! He had no idea where he'd kept the box! I'm glad that you found the package! (Probably there's an issue with the box guys! Do better visible packaging next time onwards!)

Me - Okay I have the pack with the discs in it!

DCC - Oh that's awesome news! Now we can be done with it very easily! Just take the Drivers and Utilities DVD and put it in the tray after pressing the button! (DUH!)

Me - Its not reading! (That's the problem you BITCH!!)

DCC - Oh okay! Can you please restart your laptop with the DVD on it and hit F8 when you see the start screen!

Me - Okay!

DCC - The start screen is the Dell logo with a progress bar below it! Please do it really fast so that we can use the DVD to boot up.

Me - Okay! I pressed F8 but nothing happened! Normal Windows just began all over again! I guess I missed it and I'll have to restart again!

DCC - Dont worry Mehul! I'm sure you'll get it in the next attempt. Its very easy!

Shocked! Okay that's too much for encouragement now! :P Anyway the laptop restarted and I pressed FN+F8 this time and voila! It worked! Okay I got the boot-up screen!

DCC - Wow! Thats good work! I knew you'd get it the next time! Please select the DVD-Drive now!

I pressed and Windows just started normally all over again! What a pain!

Me - Its Windows again!

DCC - No problem sir! I think your DVD drive is not working! (Precise what I have been telling you right?) Please try and insert another CD into the tray.

While I was doing this...

DCC - So where in the US?

Me - Shocked! Chicago!

DCC - Why?

Me - To pursue my Masters!

DCC - Masters in?

Me - Mechanical Engineering!

DCC - Oh that's great! Which university?

Me - University of Illinois at Chicago!

DCC - Oh that sounds so good!

Me - Do you know the University?

DCC - No! *facepalm*!

Me - Are you an Engineer?

DCC - Yes. Computer Engineering!

Me - From where?

DCC - MHSSC! Saboo? Fuck! *turn off*!

Me - Okay great!

DCC - Yes! Its from Mumbai University! (Like I didnt fucking know!)
Which college have you done your Graduate study from?

Me - K. J. Somaiya College of Engineering!

DCC - Where is it?

Me - Vidyavihar!

DCC - And where do you stay? (Dont you already have my address and phone number on the screen?)

Me - Ghatkopar.

DCC - Oh that seems pretty close to your college! Nice choice!

Me - So you're based in Hyderabad or Bangalore?

DCC - No, the call centre is in Mumbai itself!

Me - Okay!

DCC - Yea! We have a lot of centres all over India but all the traffic is usually diverted here!

Me - Okay! Good!

Finally my laptop loaded with the CD! Okay the CD seems to be working! The DVD isnt!

DCC - Okay sir we will give you a free replacement of your DVD drive.

For the next one minute she just typed in stuff, confirmed my address and scheduled an appointment to get my drive changed! So finally it was time to bid goodbye now!

Me - Okay! Thanks a lot for your help! Appreciate it!

DCC - You're welcome sir! It was a pleasure talking to you! I wish you luck with your life ahead in Chicago! I hope you have a successful life ahead! I hope I have solved all your problems with the laptop! If there is anything more, please dont hesitate to call us back and I will be there to help you! Thank you! Bbye!

Me - Thank you! Bbye! Have a nice day ahead!

DCC - You too have a great day ahead! Nice talking to you!

Okay now this was getting too much! We probably spent more time saying bye, rather she spent more time saying bye than scheduling an appointment for my DVD drive! I unfortunately had to press the red button on her! The whole episode sounded pretty horny to me actually! I've never come across such good Call-Centre employees! I always hoped she'd call me again! (Misuse my number actually!) :P I guess I'll have to wait until I blow another part on my laptop again! This time without warranty, so the expected call is scheduled longer! :P

Until then, that's how you take care, horny care! ;)

P. S. - Next time you're stuck deciding between Dell/HP/Apple/Sony/Lenovo/Acer,etc you know what the appropriate answer is! Cheers!

Mumbai - Exit Strategy

For most of you'll who have passed a premature judgement on my much awaited departure from Mumbai(India), thinking of this as just another dig at the "nothing-to-do" country with all kinds of super scandals, you may as well read the post once!

Now I havent been to 461551331497625761237613267216741 cities to say that Mumbai is not very live-able, but it would be blasphemous if the common eye fails to read that and still blindly follows the over-hyped "Mumbai Spirit", quoting " I <3 Mumbai" and other so called "patriotic" slogans. I totally fail to understand why people are not very conducive to this idea, why do they not accept the truth?

Often I've been criticized as the one who just doesnt have any kind of feelings. A cold heart and guy with a opinion about almost everything. A guy who will point out the problems but will never give the solution. A guy who complains but is just not ready to take essential steps to make the change. A guy who has sense of belonging anywhere, at least not in Mumbai. Well I guess I took their piece of advice a bit too seriously, and am putting down some points for Mumbai, essentially an exit strategy from this breakneck life and clogged atmosphere!

1. Make Mumbai a Union Territory - Yes, it will be more expensive since Mumbai will have its own legislature, but ultimately it only helps to manage the city more efficiently. The smaller the group, the better the management. Most will argue saying we have so many scams and corrupt officials, it wont make a difference. Probably true, but atleast there is an increased chance of hope!

2. Shift the entire Industrial belt to outskirts of Mumbai - Expensive? Yes. Very much so. But in a bid of doing this, it will reduce the amount of trucks running into the interiors of the city, noticeably the southern areas where there guys thrive. An awesome option to decongest the entire city.

3. Shift the airport to outskirts of Mumbai - I guess this one needs no understanding or explanation. For others still stuck, catch a domestic flight to Mumbai sometime! Its a good way to test your luck!

4. I know most Mumbaikars thrive on the local trains. As they're known as the lifeline of Mumbai, running in the heart of Mumbai and all the other phrases that go along with it, most Mumbaikars(blind men) tend to forget that these Railway lines cause the maximum amount of traffic jams. Majority, as a matter of fact, 99% of the stations just have a 2 lane 2 way traffic bridges connected the eastern region of the suburb to the western region. And with the sudden onslaught of cars, this is only going to get worse. Believe it or not, its true!

5. Divert all incoming population to outskirts of Mumbai - Yes CST will lose its charm, bigtime. This will only help to channel the population in a much better and easier way. This will also decongest CST which may just make it easier to keep track of people and probably make better use of those Metal Detectors, which at present do not work!

6. Hike fuel prices to Rs 150/litre and Diesel to Rs 100/litre in the city. Most of you'll will hate me for it but this will reduce the car population and will encourage the use of public transport. Yea, public transport is not all that great, but time is of the essence here rather than comfort.

7. Ban paan.

8. Improve the coast guard - Get them lighthouse support. This is one of the most efficient ways to combat coastal problems, guess Qasab may just not have had it easier!

9. Use waterways - A guy from Dombivali bought a speedboat and reaches work in and around 20 minutes with utmost comfort. Guess that sums it up.

10. Build parking houses - Yes, once we have these with exorbitant parking prices, roads will get cleaner and traffic issues can be handled better with people not parking at places where they block most of the road.

11. Use forks for No Parking - Yes, you can get it broken at Kurla CST for 100 bucks after using a Stephanie, but who has two spare tires and rims at the same time?

I guess if these maybe implemented, we could see Hong Kong rising from the ashes in India! Cheers!

Reading "DOG" In The "REVERSE" Manner!

I thought my dog deserved more place in my life and starting with a post on her after a long time was definitely a better option. Besides she does nothing apart from eating, sleeping and shitting around!

People hardly believe but I used to shit bricks on seeing a dog when I was a kid. Well it kind of went up to my 10th grade! I had to literally ask Deep to drop me home with those stray canines roaming around on the streets and building complex.

Anyway my tryst with these descendants of wolves started a little later when I was on a trip to Chennai and was at this unknown station watching a coke can with "Coke" written in Tamil on it. Interesting! And my cell rings. It was my sister and she said on the phone,"I've got the puppy home! Dad said not to have her. What do you wanna do?" Now thats a lot of answer for the question I was facing. Besides the coke can seemed more fascinating! I just stammered that I'll decide what to do when I came back.

When I finally got back home, I rung the bell at 5 in the morning. I was home after 7 days and was sort of looking forward to it. My sister opened the door. And this animal in white fur walks from behind her legs. Sleepy like hell, slowly treading towards me wanting to sniff me. She was barely as big as my forearm but her tail was awesome. Yea I have this thing for tails, whiskers and eyes in animals! Very rarely do I every call stuff cute or moments cute. I think this was one of those moments, when you actually feel like shouting out "cuteeeeee" like those melloD girls do and most definitely, it comes from within your heart! I think she had huge ears which really looked good since not a lot of dogs have it. I spent the rest of the time watching her move around the room, getting used to the place.

It had become an everyday struggle with parents. But I had decided that dog would stay. It had already become an integral part of my life. Innocence was defined in a new manner! She was an essence of happiness and vigour and joy. More importantly, she taught me how to spend time alone. Retrospections became a daily part of my life teaching me to concentrate on my strengths. Showing me my capabilities, understanding myself better!

Though my dog is pretty much an epitome of being dumb. I think I started calling her dyslexic after watching Taare Zameen Par. Not that she cannot hold on to stuff and catch stuff easily but somehow my dog just cant sniff. She feels embarrassed in front of my mom, dad and sister since they seem to have a a far better olfactory response. Neither does my dog pick up bags from the main door to the kitchen. And I'm sure she'd be floored by a robber who enters with even 1% compassion! But I dont think she should be subject to such stereotype dogs, I think I got various apt nicknames for her moods.

She walks like a seal when just awake making a lot of effort. Slipping at times. Her fur resembles that of a grizzly bear but then a polar bear fits the bill better. Once her food is served dinosaurs is what takes over her. You can actually spot her canines with intricate details on plaque on them! My dog is a big time fattu, so its more like calling her a pussy, I meant cat! :P When someone comes home, she stands on the sofa hand rest like Lion King just about to roar in happiness! When someone's taking her down, she's like a kangaroo jumping constantly till the doors are opened. The way she opens her legs and hands while sleeping makes her resemble a lizard. Crawls like a croc. I think I pretty much have a zoo at home!

Its fun to have her fluffy blanket body on the bed but it could get it you because she will never sleep with her back towards you. She'll stick her wet nose on your body and exhale at five times the normal speed making your ears feel like a nearby tornado! But she sleeps pretty peacefully. It could get a little jealous when she sleeps for nearly 12-14 hours in a day. At times she stick a little part of her tongue out in deep sleep. I never knew dogs dream! My dog digs when she dreams!

More importantly my dog taught me that having dogs is a better option than having kids in a million ways! I can actually count them! No that doesnt mean I wont have sex either! Thank god for condoms! :P

I think the best part about having a dog comes from the movie Marley and Me. I could figure myself with a striking similarity to John Grogan. But here's how it went,

A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?

Social Slur

I live my life by a certain defined set of rules, and I totally hate myself for the massive amount of non-compliance with a simple set! I just keep making exceptions and exceptions and some more exceptions till I know the whole thing just nibbles on me slowly like red ants. Finally it’s a complete ant hill to carry. However there are some exceptions which I really follow. I am a firm believer in "You get what you deserve. You work for what you want!" Now the Bourneville guys were totally inspired from this but this is just more than cocoa. This is definitely some food for thought!

I was on my way back home from the counsellor when I was stuck at the Amar Mahal signal. This little boy, strikingly similar boy from Slumdog came asking for money. Now came in the strong play of my set of rules. I haven’t seen the world, but I've seen enough to pass a judgement here. I never give them money; always turn my face away thinking he needs to earn it. Now for the initial few years, it worked wonders because I was so absorbed in my self-righteousness and I never cared to look beyond my own plate.

Its only when you allow a certain degree of freedom can you cut some slack and have a broader view of things. However it does not encompass thorough solvency of rules, because in that case it would be severely detrimental! Anyway I was thinking, that kid is one third my size, he's not wearing any clothes and is just wandering around with a small bowl in his hand. Initial response was to pound in some change into the bowl, but then experience pinches, they'll all be coming like a pack of wolves and keep haunting till the signal turns green.

My retrospections got me to a certain degree of understanding which I never had before. For God's sake, he's 7 years old, how able is he? He doesn’t know there are 26 alphabets in the English language and I expect him to earn that money! He's been forced into something he isn’t supposed to and I expect him to earn that money! He hardly has the capability to fill his own stomach and I expect him to earn that money! I have to agree that my attitude might be heralded as the perfect way for the future but it was a bit harsh on my part to expect the same thing out of the poor soul. You could be lax once in a while, and it won’t really make your wallet lighter if a few coins could bring a smile on someone’s face but you surely are to think twice at this point. There are various facets that actually rise at this point.

1.The temporary smile on his face is obviously a good deed worth commemorating. It’s coming back to you, that’s karma. However looking at the bigger picture, you’ve encouraged an unnecessary evil prevalent in the society. I’m not trying to blame the kid here; he’s just doing the things he’s being told to do. I’m not even trying to delineate the fact that you need to be a cold hearted animal and just snuff the poor boy away. But as he grows, he will tend to do the same. It’s like an epidemic and needs to be taken care of in the right way.

2.You could do it once in a while. Now that seems to be a good and practical solution out. Not to forget diplomatic as well! Life will look sweeter because it’s only being done once in a while, when you’re in those generous moods and just want to do good to the world. Mumbai’s population is near about 17 million, imagine the number of people who think that way. So if the previous option is out of question, option 2 leads to the same conclusion of the eclipsing obscurity.

3.I’m an honest tax payer and the government should utilise the funds better. Okay let’s play around the first adjective, honest. We should probably leave it to your walls and crevices in your house. Probably a little conventional, but old is gold! But you do have a point there. You’re paying tax, where is the monetary support that these people are bound to receive? Super question. If you’d asked me a few days back, I would have been of the same opinion. Then I had a Buddha moment. The government coffers are usually up to brim but does the general public actually deserve the stuff that comes out of that money? And with the term general, it includes you, me and that boy as well. Okay the boy doesn’t have say over there. Narrowing down on you and me, we don’t deserve the public services, not one bit. We can’t even imagine of maintaining them, staining them with red spit and engraving names. Sure you’d feel like Michelangelo or perhaps you just got your Juliet but you’re nothing more than stupid roadside Romeo/Rascal. So it’s a little harsh on the government every time because you need to refer the commencement of the post and its implications. No we don’t deserve it, so don’t ask for it.

I might be straying from the primary point of the post but it was important to establish a firm view against the generally held perception of “I AM GOD.”
My point here is not to elucidate the fact that charity is something heinous rather than the hackneyed belief of it as a panegyric task, because it is worth the laud. But we fail to see the creeping lassitude which is slowly but surely a parasite and will threatens to grow big.

So, what’s the solution? Well I’ve been looking for one myself. Totally awaiting another Buddha moment. I am not a very big fan of social service but I have deep respect for the people who opt for it. Teach India foundation was one such good cause but we need to delve deeper to get to the roots. We need to elevate the standard of living, not only ours but others around us as well! As responsible citizens we could also try and sponsor education for one of these guys. Imagine how many people could be swept off the streets. I’m talking from experience, and I know it can work wonders. The government could build designated areas in the suburbs to fight congestion in downtown. Have a school for these kids. If I had my way, I’d take the right to produce kids from these guys. I know devilish but we need to CONTROL!

As for the guy at the signal, I could’ve ripped my wallet apart with all the change and make him happy for a day or two. Use the other 100 bucks to have a meal at McDonalds. Or I could go home and have mom’s food and buy a football worth 100 bucks and gift it to the boy. It’d have the same outcome, definitely but I did my bit against fighting the immoral and abject conditions he’s being poised to. Get up, do your bit, let’s make this a better place to live in!

Manual of Rules and other Horror Stories

It had been lying in my bag since eons and I really regret the absence of a mental acumen to go through such a fantastic publication! Heartfelt thanks to Neekita Singla for passing it over! It might just end up being a life saver! Here are some extracts...

1. There are no rules, only guidelines.

In an industry that values creativity and individual expression above all else, please remember that rules are merely a framework around which the job gets built, not some tenets written in stone that have to be followed to the letter like a fundamentalist religion. The wackis and weirdos make the business interesting, so if you want to bend or break the rules, be my guest: you may end up adding a new rules or two to this document, or losing your job... Be aware of the consequences, but dont be afraid to take risks.

2. According to the calculations of my engineers, based on the laws of physics and the known principles of aerodynamics, the bumblebee cannot fly.

The bumblebee, however, does not know this, and fliess.

This statement is often made in a distinctly disparaging tone aimed at putting down the know-it-alls who are so smart yet cant manage to understand something that is apparent to everyone else. And the morals drawn are many, including the notion of presisting with a new idea in the face of dogmatic adherence to old standards and maxims. No one ""proved" that bumblebees cant fly, what was shown was that a simple mathematical model wasnt adequate or appropriate to properly describe the flight of the bumblbee. If engineers had accepted this lacunae in their knowledge as the truth, the helicopter would never have been built.

You can never have enough knowledge, you must never stop learning, and knowledge is one of those things that you dont lose if you give some of it away.

3. Knowledge is power.

The more you learn, the more there is to learn: business is as wide as it is deep, and as you understand better what the experts and professionals do for your project, you will get better results...

4. Dont use a cannon to kill a fly. You lose a cannonball, but the fly survives.

... but use more than a flyswatter for a wild bear! Always be armed with the right tools for the job. This means people as well as infrastructure. It takes a certain amount of foresight and planning, but it will save resources for more appropriate situations, and result in a better job every time...

You could cut butter with a hacksaw, but you wouldnt want to; so why try to cut steel with a butter knife?

5. Learn to accept both criticism and compliments with grace.

In a business where compliments are few and far between, and mostly backhanded, accept them with a "thank you" but dont take them seriously, you'll get sowllen-headed for n ogood reason. Everybody is very free with criticism, but its mostly true, so dont take it personally.

I once told a friend who I often meet at a pub,"Stop wearing those padded bras, they look very fake!"(which was true). She got very upset. so the next time I met her I said,"Nice headlights, babe!"(which was untrue). She still got upset...

6. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

7. Dont be angry. You need to have done something with your life in order to deserve the right to be angry..

Anger does nothing for you, other than possibly increase your own blood pressure.

8. There is more stupidity that Hydrogen in universe, and it has a longer shelf life..

Watch out for your own stupidity. It's like getting pregnant unintentinally: once is ignorance, twice is negligence, thrice is stupidity. Ignorance is an acceptable excuse once. There is nothing more dangerous than a fool who does not know that he is a fool...

9. RTFM

For more details, wikipedia! ;)

Cheers!

SMS

Evr wndrd hw dffclt tis 2 rd sms lang? Sm fuls blv ds lang hlps sve chrctrs bt d amt of hrd wk u hv 2 do 2 jst rd dt 1 msg is rilli wrth sm engg xam! D oda fuls blv in usin mre chrctrs 2 emphsze d xprsn! Here's a list!

Hot - Haut/Hawt/Hoot - Are you an Owl?

Lol - Laul/Lawl/Lool - Imagine Charlie(Kaminey) calling for Raul!

Only - Onnie - I am sure my dog can count the letters too!

Know - noe! - Why not use 'no'?

Really - Rilli/Ryly/Rili/Ryli/Rily - Thank God there are no other alphabets like I and Y!

Nice - Nyce/Nyc - New York City?

Expression - Xprsn/Xpreshun - Sounds like some Russian Army Captain!

Hi - Hyi/Hy/Hie(Used by Guys too!) - Too much!

Screwed - Scrood/Screved/Scrud - LOL!

My - Ma/Mah/Mi - Wow! Maaaaaaa! :P

Read - Rd/Rid/Red - I meant Read and not Red! :P


And the best of the lot!

Coming! Hope you can make the right word out of it to fit the orgasmic meaning! :P LMAO!

Common"WEALTH" Games, 2010

I've been adjudged as someone who probably hates India from the core of his heart. Well there aren't a lot of things to be proud about anyway! And as history goes, one wrong doing will always TAKE YOU DOWN. Its a little calumnious to display my censorious side, since its always been about exhibiting the veracity of the situation!

2003, India pimped Canada to take the lead for the 2010 Commonwealth Games. Now I dont really follow the sport or something but its obviously something to hold your head high with pride and honour. Conversely, we had 7 years to prepare! Simply speaking, for a whole of 364 weeks we were just sitting on our asses, toasting our Swiss Bank accounts with colossal magnitudes, idling our time away until the ass actually caught fire, enough to cause mass conflagration!

I really liked the logo of the CWG 2010. Probably it was a mere object that belied the onslaught of the aspersion that was to follow! And the antics by the organizing committee is definitely the icing on the cake. Their statements are ludicrous and will probably serve as world class entertainment for the generations to come. We've been carved out with years of assiduous labour as the sublime laughing stock for the whole world!

Anyway, peek-a-boo at the national shame they've caused us! By 2009, the games fell way behind schedule. Like WAY WAY behind! Like they had to carry a heavy carapace! 13 out of the 19 venues went behind schedule! And they were supposed to keep a year for trial runs!

2 weeks before the games, you have unfinished living quarters, no amenities, POOR santiation and dogs defecating on beds! And they guys were valorous enough to come up with statements like,"Due to cultural differences, India has different cleanliness standards from the western world." Calling it ridiculous is an understatement in all kinds. I'm guessing a dog defecates on the committee's bed everyday before sleeping!

Quality control in India needs no awakening. I dont even need to discuss it when you have foot-over bridges collapsing because the cables snapped! The weightlifting venue ceiling couldn't hold its own weight! Contemptuous stuff!

An international reporter got into the venue with a light intensity bomb to prove the tenacity of the Indian vigilance. Labourers work in human conditions for less than 3$/8 hours a day. Thats probably what I spend on food in two days. So many countries have pulled out, that now we actually have a chance of winning a gold!

I dont know what are the implications of this event. I dont know how many people are proud Indians today. But there are some things for sure. 6 months down the line, we'll forget who Mr. Suresh Kalmadi is. That is pure Indian mentality. We might see him on Big Boss a few seasons later. If he has any pending court cases, they'll be cleared within 20 years and thats being optimistic! And finally the nail on the head,"Patriotism is the last refuge of all scoundrels."

I wish Adolf Hitler was running our country. Amen.

Top 10 munchers!

This is probably going to be the post with maximum acidulous comments and opinions! And I choose to ignore them all since these are "MY" thoughts! Now if I had the power, I'd probably kidnap the main chefs at these places to a private offshore house and probably have the time of my life and living with the fact that I'll never fit into an FSAE car, atleast the Orion Racing version of it! Screw them, they'll realise the gravity of their actions someday! Anyway here's something to get your tummy working!

1. Ram Ashraya, Matunga - Beatitude bestowed with quality idlis and mouth watering dosas! You just CANT get bored of it! Probably after a hard night at the workshop, its the place to be at!

2. Grill House, Chembur - Indianised version of Chinese food served freshed with hot spices which make your taste buds go mad, LITERALLY! A little sidey, but who cares?

3. Achija, Ghatkopar - My night hangout place with Nikunj! Awesome pav bhaji and the chinese tastes better with the bread! You ought to try it!

4. Koylas, Colaba - Amidst the hookah smoke, the huge bread basket assorted with butter and awesome punjabi food with sauteed mushrooms make it a must eat place!

5. Ayubs, Colaba - The best place in the city for a hot grill! Barbequed style paneer and mushroom along with potatoes make my dates go mad over the food! Its gradual after that! :P

6. 5 Spice, Bandra/Town - Here's a taste of authentic chinese food served in an awesome ambience topped with the best desserts in town! It'll truly cause you to die of addiction!

7. Bade Miyan's, Colaba - No mushrooms but on the flipside they give a lot more variety than Ayubs! Great food! Must visit for all barbeque lovers!

8. Kobe's Sizzlers, All over the city - Steaming fresh with vegetables, gets a HUMONGOUS smile on my mom's face since its the first on the list thats quite healthy! I'd head anytime of the day here!

9. Chili's, Powai - It might drill a huge hole in the pocket but the size of the burger and its taste is probably worth the hole! Great food, gets your tummy working and you ought not to leave the place without stuffing yourself beyond what you actually can!

Now at this point I'd love to add the 15" paratha I had at Chandni Chowk but I cant! And probably most of this list would be taken over by Delhi with a lot of ease but lets stick to the neighbourhood!

10. Bhagat Tarachand, Vashi - AWESOME. Period.

Now it might take some time to digest this heavy food, some of you'll must have tried it as well! Take some time to contemplate and if you do not agree, good for you! For the others who've missed out on any of these, you're probably wasting a lot of time warming the chair sitting in front of the computer! Get up, get out, HOG! :D

Two Wheel Endemic - Desh Ki Dhadhkan??

A million internal combustion engine powered machines pump through the country's arteries everyday! However those helmet clad self proclaimed cool dudes and adorning huge Gucci sunglasses, probably even more bigger than their face racing around like ninjas population are blocking the Aorta and the normalties might just run a severe cardiac arrest!

Only after I got my licence did I pay attention to these bikers! They race around the streets like Valentino Rossi thinking for every dangerous cut they make, they'll get brownie points and move up on the list of the deadliest bikers in India! Dont worry, once you ride a bike, you're stamped on your forehead,"Yes I'm deadly! I probably caused disasters worse than 9/11!"

For once I actually wish the laws of Physics could be violated! For every degree of banking they should lose as much grip as possible! Only then will those single minded fools learn how to drive straight and not rock around like a speedboat from Mexico! And no its not only the CBR's and Hayabusa's but people actually perform it on Splendours, CT-100s and Activas! Oh yes! Now is that talent? LOL! Then even Justin Beiber can sing! The point is there's no point in showing off so much by revving that throttle, performing a wheelie! Go burn the rubber on some lonely asphalt!

Then the ones with those huge bikes, the eliminators thinking those are in the league of Harley Davidson! Hmmmm....LAME! I actually crashed my car into one of them! And guess what the guy thought! I'm at Monza, curving into the dangerous Ascari chicane! Casey Stoner is on my ass, I gotta pick up the speed no matter if I'm joining some highway at the end of the road! I've gotta stop Casey, no matter what! Zoooom he went and his ephemeral success was suddenly brought to light! BRAKE MAAR! What's more he was riding with someone else who scratched his back, and he's asking me for cash! This is exactly the point where your ego stands tall! But wait a minute, its not my fault! I'm getting home, sorry to interrupt with your race and you're making me pay because you crashed out?

The other day I was riding on the Eastern Expressway! Foul mood means I treat my car like the bikers! Even nanometres are scrutinized and lanes are cut like warm bread! Anyway I was pretty fast! At that time I was feeling a perfectly ambivalent state of mind, because driving was taking it away! I was in between the 1st and the 2nd lane and saw a little gap opening up! And to my horror, a biker with a pillion rider! If I had made my move, I surely would've killed two people but without any regrets! Braked hard, good enough to probably burn my discs! I honked like mad! Yea when I'm irritated I just keep honking, probably continuously to drain my battery until they move out of the way! However this guy was adamant! He wouldnt budge! And for the rest of the road I was stuck between a truck and bus! Heavenly feeling!! :P

They wear those Kimi Raikkonen replica helmets! Too bad not even 1% of Kimi's skill is transferred on such mediocre actions! You've been embellished with man's 3rd best creation though funny it doesnt give more than 40% efficiency! Make good use of it rather than running over people! Desultory performances are often condoned even by remotely smart people!

I hate bikers, probably more than Justin Beiber and Williams Sisters and Sergio Busquets and Tom Henning Ovrebo and others on my hitlist! Dont delineate something to hate, something extremely caustic to your ownself! Be safe, ride safe and let our cuspids work with enough efficacy to leave the veins from coagulation! Cheers!

The Great Indian J(oke)udicial System!

Order Order!

Lets take a sneak peak into the World's most ridiculed judicial system! India has the biggest constitution in the World. Something to be proud of? Ummmm, crime rates are probably accelerating faster than Buggati Veyron! The root of the problem actually lies in the consistency of these rules! They're incomprehensive like English to a Bihari! The ones who drafted it, took 3 years to do it! They just forgot India has a life after they die! They did leave us with the procedure of amendment, just that its too complex, even more difficult than understanding Neurosurgery!

Anyway remembering the most remote version of Civics, the Executive is to be differentiated from the Judiciary! There should be no interference! Thats the ground rule! Okay funny because one guy makes the law the other guy executes it! They're talking like they're absolute experts on how things work! Good for them! We'll stick to the ground rule and deep dive into the judiciary wing!

Procedures! India is a country with procedure. Everything goes according to procedure! No no, we have a lot of time on our hands! We have to do everything by the book and then get fucked by the book as well! I'm not asking you to break the rules, but we can bend the rules to speed up proceedings. There are nearly 30 million pending cases in India, 30 million! Thats more than double the population of Mumbai! And we're still gonna do it by the book! Apparently even if all courts work day and night, 24 hours, they'll clear all the cases in another 320 years! Yes thats correct, 320 years! My grand grand grand children will be dead by then! And we're still gonna do it by the book!

Paperwork! The day India shifts to electronic systems, I'll probably stop taking the case of those poor Williams sisters! Everything has to be on paper! Come on guys seriously? We can save jungles by saving on those useless junk of archives that you're making for nothing! Further reference for cases can be done on computers! Why arent we using modern systems? Why are we still stuck on stone age? Adam and Eve would've had a facepalm moment by now! And then they come preaching about Global Warming!

The court is adjourned. We should have the electric chair for the retard who says this again and again for no reason. The court is adjourned for this break, that break, for the day, for 2 weeks, 10 weeks! Sit at home and enjoy your freaking food! You're here to speed up justice not speed up the list of cases!

Its really saddening to know this. The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and High Court draw maximum salary in a bid to keep them off outside influence. Now even with all the government benefits, their salary cumulates to around Rs. 40,000 a month! What a JOKE! 40 grand a month for the loser who cant speed up justice! And then you say he should'nt be prone to outside influence! Two ways of looking at this is dishonorable impeachment in public or stepping it up to actually keep their coffers full of cash!

India doesnt even have a fully defined WITSEC plan! If you're not gonna protect your witness in an extreme high profile case then you cant blame him to go hostile! Duh! You would have done that yourself! I mean seriously you want me to step and put my life on stake for the sake of truth in an occurrence where I was just present for no fault of mine? Sure, I'd even want to sleep with some 3rd grade mallu porn actress! The Police lose key evidence thanks to negligence and not centralized evidence archiving is present in any city! Come on guys, wake up!

I feel for people who actually look up to these money making boulders for justice. No one really cares about what is happening. A girl gets raped today, she finally gathers some courage to file the case. The inspector might be bought off. If the case manages to go ahead to the court it'll come after some years, probably 10-15 when the girl is either dead or even over her trauma. And then she has to go through the whole procedure again. If the guy is charged with the crime, he can pay his way out by getting an expensive lawyer compared to the court hired magistrate. He could pay the judge off. He could pay a bail and be let off easily. So much wait for such an end? Yea sure its fitting!

Qasab is still enjoying the cherries of the Indian Judicial Ice cream he eats everyday. They cant find a hangman to hang him? Good enough to burn 4 crores on him though! Jessica Lall case took 7 years to bring the guilty to justice. The legal loopholes were exploited beyond all means to seek a parole which took another two weeks to ratify by the High Court! He got a 30 day parole! The issue went to the Supreme Court and in 2010 the sentence has been upheld, Jessica Lall was murdered in 1999! 11 years and the case is still on! Superb work guys! Funnily the guilty were also almost acquitted!

Here's a little line from there,"The police failed to recover the weapon which was used to fire at Jessica Lal as well as prove their theory that the two cartridges, emptied shells of which were recovered from the spot, were fired from one weapon,; “all three eyewitnesses listed by the police in its charge sheet, namely, Shiv Lal Yadav, an electrician at Tamarind Court, actor Shyan Munshi and Karan Rajput, a visitor at the restaurant that night, turning hostile during the trial."

The Bhopal Gas Tragedy totally adds to it! A leakage of Methyl Isocyanite killed 2300 people in 1984. The legal issue went on and on and on and on and on until 2010. It was because of a takeover of the Union Carbide Factory. And finally 8 ex employes were charged with $2000 fine and 2 years of imprisonment for death due to negligience. 25 years later! The case has hit a silver jubilee and all the families got was a raw deal! Wow, I'm proud of my judicial system!

My dad was a lawyer by profession, probably the best decision he made 35 years ago was to give up law when he was a junior magistrate. Lawyers are assets of an country, only in this place they're too much of a liability! Everyday millions die with the hopes that they will make it big in this profession. The laws are lax, the people enforcing the laws are lax, the people are killed over million times again and again because of this ridiculous inefficient system.

Its not like I hate India, its just that they're not giving me too many reasons to love it! I'm just writing on what I see. Tomorrow if I demand justice, yea I trust my Judicial System so very much that they'll give me the just decision, after years of paperwork, adjourned courts, following stupid procedures, and yea, finally my grand grand grand kids will see the justice for me! Cheers!

After Effects of FSAE!

I could account half my life's achievements to Orion Racing India! Probably the major attitude shaping came from ORI! But then everything comes with a price! No no I did not lose my girlfriend because of FSAE since FSAE has been termed as,"When you just cant get rid of a girlfriend!". These things are potential relationship killers! No I did not lose touch with my family as well! I just felt like I'm introduced to a new world and everytime you look at a car or even drive one, your mind just goes like the movies where the mechanism starts animating your mind!

Initially the phase seemed really good! Yea chics were impressed when they see your Business Card and when you keep talking about Germany and stuff! I wasnt doing it to impress them anyway! So finally when you learn a lot application becomes binding! And you finally apply your new found knowledge to those menacing machines and a sense of satisfaction then touches you! Oh yes, your myths busted and probably a smile breaks on your face thinking how dumb you were to either believe whatever someone said back then or not applying general physics to understand the working!

Anyway, Claude Rouelle told me,"The more you know, the more you dont know!". Pragmatists will totally agree with this line! I did too! I attended his seminar and I really have a feeling he's injected me with a concentrated dose of Vehicle Dynamics that now too much application can be detrimental to self, might even cause permanent mental trauma! Infact the fever started ever since I got my certificate that day! On my way back I had taken the Volvo with "Air Suspension"! Wow! The bus was rocking and I was actually thinking about the roll frequency! Everytime the bus braked or accelerated the squatting and diving came to my mind, weight transfer on the wheels, thinking which ones were getting worn out faster!

Funnily this is only the starters! Things are about to get worse! Some of you'll might have serious facepalm moments! Anyway here it goes, I took the purple Kinglong bus once! I was really happy that we had Air Conditioned buses in that scorching heat! However all my happiness was about to be shifted into reverse gear! They were Chinese! Damn! What dampers are they using? I sat in the bus and it zoomed off the stop! Automatic gears! Sweet! Just that the bus couldnt take the load when the momentum broke on braking! Moving on, extra soft springs! Great takes the bump real good, but what about the vibrations then? I'm sure they used the damper to get rid of the Transient state but then the dampers are Chinese! Steady state amplitude becomes too high to make the ride uncomfortable!

I was never a patient of motion sickness! But the extreme roll frequencies just made me one! God, dont they use an ARB? You're sitting in the bus and you can actually feel your blood going from left to right 100 times a second! I could hear my heart beating! Finally I get off the bus only to see the check valve was again Chinese! What a disappointment!

I finally met a friend of mine after a long time! We're sitting at an exclusive coffee outlet and talking. However my mind races like the Ferrari! I could see all cars moving, and suddenly the sky was filled with mathematical equations predicting various damping equations and temperatures and kinds of chassis and what not! Some cars looked stable, some looked they were made for BAJA, some looked like they can be driven only the Expressway! I could hardly have the 500 bucks coffee! My friend's best attempts to talk me out of it were probably the most failed ones in life! I'm observing the tires and my mind smirks,"Ha, he's using JK! He's not going over a year and half with them! Buy Michelin!". Then you have others with real bad weight transfer issues causing even the rims to bend bad! Shit, do they even design the car properly?

Anyway I took a Hyundai car once to some place. These guys actually believe soft is good! Okay I prefer softer springs but not the ones that have their static deflection equal to the maximum compression! Then you feel like you're riding a boat on the road! Streamlined stuff! On the other end of swing balance is Maruti Suzuki! Extra hard springs so that your car remains stable but your ass doesnt! You might actually come out with a sore ass after a long ride! My Indigo has some hybrid of Japanese and Chinese technologies! Initially it was as brilliant as the Japanese tech! Super sexy dampers and springs and stuff! In 1 year I feel I'm riding a bullock cart now, probably worse than Chinese! Never trust Tata, Golden rule of life!

Then I was off to Tiger point once! Where my beloved Indigo got stuck on a steep slope! Shifted into one, revved the engine to 4000 rpm and let the clutch go and boom the car was up the slope! Then I could smell the tears from my engine! And another animation comes to light! The one of the piston rings getting their asses rubbed against the cylinder walls! Aah, they get worn out, engine oil is boiled and my intake charge enters the crankcase! Aah, I'm gonna need some Positive Crankcase Ventilation! Probably a new set of piston rings, a better tension fan belt!

Worst was during exams! I'm waiting outside the cabin of my life's deadliest professor for the deadliest vivas of my life! When my mind should be thinking all about engines, this car walks up near me. I happen to glance at the tires, by now its a reflex action! Apollo! God help him! Then you look at the tire pressure! I'm sure he was running low on it looking at the shoulder! It was like almost pressed to the ground! And the world opens up again! Shit his tire shoulders are tired, what about the contact patch! We should get a pressure sensitive strip! Tire stiffness, all his suspension settings will be screwed!

These are times when I feel I should be admitted to Shutter Island! I have literally gone mad! My life has become something really animated! Hope I can find a good enough damper to kill the transient vibrations! Cheers!

The Perfect Way to Drive in Mumbai!

The last time someone told me it is so much fun to drive in Mumbai, he also told me the Williams Sisters were "FUCKING HOT!". Half the city is dug up, the other half has potholes! Probably the biggest challenge for Suspension designers, design a car for Mumbai! If he's a virgin, he'll lose it soon!

Basically before you even turn the ignition you wanna make sure your co-passenger is wearing the seat belt, no no, not for safety issues but you wanna keep 100 bucks more cash in your wallet from the pandus!

Anyway, you shift into neutral, turn the key and the engine roars to life! This is exactly the moment when you should feel like Speed Racer. Your eyes becoming narrow with only one target in your mind, reaching the place in minimum time, yes even one millionth of a second counts! Your hands on the wheel feeling the car, and you feel like pulling down the visor, just that its as hypothetical as the Mach 5! Anyway you rev a little, like its a drag race! Press the clutch shift into one and off you go!

Now if you wanna act all cool, probably impress the "LAME CHICS" on the road, you could do a wheel spin and change your muffler tip to pump up the exhaust volume. I dont understand how its a turn on for people! Play loud music, probably some badly premixed house music with a woofer, so much so that only the vibrations are visibly felt and the "LAME CHICS" would go "Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooott!"

The 1st obstacle you'll face is public transport. Mumbai's 2nd lifeline and its a big PAIN IN THE ASS! The yellow and black 150cc guys actually believe "YEH MERE BAAP KA RAASTA HAI" And they feel they're Michael Schumacher's remote reincarnation and they've been given a 7 litre Mercedes to drive. They're gonna come racing and switching lanes like Tiger Woods' frequency of having sex! Oh yes and it can get frustrating beyond boundaries! At that time you'd want you're playing GTA Vice City and shoot the hell out of that guy and bang his ric so bad that it turns up in flames! Then there will be cases of two rics covering every lane of the narrow road and you're caught up behind them! Ahhh, you honk your ass out but its against their ego to move. So the two will race until one actually beats the other one! At this time you feel you're a part of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series and your fangs appear growling and giving khunnnus to the ric driver while overtaking.

From statics point of view, these rics are the major cause of every traffic jam that happens in the city! Everyone's driving and is in such a hurry to get everywhere, it feels like his wife is being banged by his best friend and he needs to get home before its too late! Too bad, probably she's even enjoyed it! And these guys are too space conscious, yes its good to have such an attitude in Mumbai but then you cant make the best use of it everytime! They'll look for microns, trust me, microns and even try and get into that kind of space revving their two stroke engines causing more pollution! And finally a crossing is totally blocked and you cannot just move out of it with the other guys pushing in as well! Its even worse than chaos! Its like someone scratching a blackboard! No wonder India's gonna have people with maximum heart issues!

Moving on, you finally reach a quiet street with a sign of no honking. Then you see a stray dog scuttling across the street, the inexperienced will honk their guts out making the dog feel so guilty about crossing the street. Yea well the case isnt really different with the pedestrians as well! They walk like they own the street, "KYA UKHADLEGA?". Simple, bang into them so hard, "PURI LIFE UKHAD JAAYE!". Then when you have to park the car. Aah, this city is devoid of free spaces! In a two lane road, one I can use for parking! Temporary, I'll switch my parking lights on. Job done. Then when you have traffic from both sides, I still wont budge my ass! Then 3 cars are somehow squeezed into it, you might even have clashing of rub rails!

Anyway enough of city driving. Lets move on to higher mileage options. The highway. Trucker's paradise! Last time I read a caption on Expressway, "Speed thrills but kills!" They should change it to, "Slow Speed truly kills without any thrills!" The minute your speedo touches below 60 KMPH you should consider yourself epic fail for no finding a way through. Oh yes, make the best use of every lane available and space left by other cars. Cut lanes, give yourself the Superman feeling! Drafting is an essential part of it! Keep drifting through the lanes until you find spaces and hit the throttle so hard that you get a turbo jerk! If someone told you never overtake from left, ask him to "FUCK OFF!". Simple and subtle! Make the truckers feel like you're Dominic Torretto and you're gonna rip him off by moving all around him just like in Fast and Furious. Supress other cars happily if you feel the other lane is going faster! Let them honk, you probably wanna show him the middle finger, just make sure you're going faster! Alternative option is from "Meet the Fockers!". Get a vinly made, "HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY!". Then let the little fucktard press the horn! Remember, every millionth of a second counts, so make the best of it!

Alternative factors will involve Best Buses! I respected them for their judgements, ultimate GODS! Even better than Aryton Senna! However they dont like when someone overtakes them! So expect them to stop in front of the road and wait for the passengers to barge into the bus to screw the leaf springs on just one side! So you probably wanna keep your temperament mild at this time! Others you'll face are amateur drivers! These guys have no idea whats happening around them! They'll drive like they're in some kind of trance, the one you feel when you see Megan Fox! They'll drive in their own Fantasy World and by the time they realise cutting into right wasnt a very good option they'll swing their wheel full left making you feel like that either the guy or the car is drunk! With a little more chauvinism, 99% chics drive like that!

So the next time someone tells you, stick to one lane, dont cross the speed limit, never overtake from the left, obey every freaking signal in town, just look them in the eyes and give one fiery look, enough to break their conscience down, sniff a little and blurt, I've read Mehul's guide, trust me!

P. S. - It might be counter productive with your dad! :P Cheers!

And we are the better Engineers/Students!

After a few months when I finally got the chance to watch a movie in a theater, it turned out to be an absolute cracker! It wasn't exactly Oscar material but an attempt to uncover the truth! Engineering students(MU) would have a lot of expectations but I really felt they were dashed up down right left! The movie took a drastic wrong turn and it turned into some Indian soap opera which concentrated more on guy getting the girl stuff!

Anyway picking up from where Raju left, Engineering as it might seem is not a piece of cake! :P Mechanical Engineering has just won the award for the "Best Field to Rape Students" beating every other branch by a clear margin! No offence to the other fields! Talking as a whole the education system in India sucks! Clearly there's no reminder for it!

I was always told Indians make the best Engineers/Students abroad and looked forward to this famed system! And then a certain realisation came pinching so hard on the ass that you're just left hopeless, helpless and hairless! Sat at the top of hierarchy Mumbai University just seemed like another villain. Numerous abuses hurled at them are trampled and all you can do is "become the part of the system!"

And before all this drama started in my life, I was this hardcore Hindustani like some of my other friends who always believed we'll come back here after a stint with the Foreign countries! The roots shit and usual! Then I made a trip to Germany. Well it took me a split second to reconsider my decision. They clearly had the upper edge. 3 years we went to Germany and couldn't uproot a damn thing even design wise! And we are the better Engineers/Students!

For starters, Techmax seems to have been acting as a catalyst in this ridiculous process! Not that it saved my ass for 2.5 years but students over there use even better books than Tata McGraw Hill which are usually eating the dust flak in the library! The last time I picked up such a book from my library was to study about a monocoque! And we are the better Engineers/Students!

Coming to the main course, the ratta factor seems to work wonders! Get 40 be satisfied! Its actually a very relieving feeling when you see those numbers! Lol! Start studying a few days before the paper and manage to pass without actually knowing what the damn subject is all about! We can't apply unless we're given a chance to do so! Projects at every year should be made an integral part of the syllabus. I'd rather do a project than waste my time on EVS! Frankly all of us by now are quite some experts in Global Warming! Dont need a wake up call every now and then! Assignments are nicely copied! The University loves the small brown packets that come along with parents or the cash that comes with revaluation of a paper! And we are the better Engineers/Students!

Desserts - my favourite part of a meal are the profs! Bloody bad ass haram khors who feel the students should go through the same rigid and tragic procedure that he encountered back in 1975! Really he's wasting his 30 years ka experience enforcing the students to do what he did! One of them actually asked me to maintain a book! Students there actually crave to attend lectures. They do not have attendance issues at all, but bunking will only lead to non-understanding of subject = FAIL! This is not some comparison competition to show that they're better, it shows that we still suck in this rigid system which is considered as World Best! You have to actually run out there to talk to your prof and oh yes, he will give you that typical ego look, say a few harsh words and then usher you away citing you didn't attend sufficient lectures for solving the doubt! And we are the better Engineers/Students!

The one and only reason why we're in demand out there is our capacity to slog it out. Oh yes, this system makes us Expert Sloggers and can finish the job in due time without any hiccups! Oh we can also work weekends and overtime! :P
Imagine what happens when hard work and smart work atmosphere are combined together! Its like the ideal blend of air and fuel for the best power and efficiency of an Internal Combustion Engine! Now that's application! :P

Dont think we can change the system! We will always become a part of the system! My point here is you wanna make India a top country? Let's try and make it better for our kids! Let them have a future of application rather than memory power exams! Let us make them better Engineers/Students! ;)

The 3rd Umpire...

If I were a Catalan, I would dare not write this. If I were a UEFA representative, I would dare not write this.

Football has gone from strengths to strengths. It has certainly reached such a stage that competitions are being won in the vicinity of a single point! Bucketloads of goals are being scored in injury time which have changed the whole scenario over the years. It has become so competitive that along with tactics and footballing talent and inspiration, refereeing has become an integral part of the game. Even a wrong decision can seal the fate of teams causing mass upsets at times.

Being a Blues fan, I would take the liberty to say that Chelsea have been on the wrong end of these decisions quite a few times. Be it the ghost goal or the disallowed penalties, it inflicts a deep wound into thousands of hearts watching the game. Fairplay is what each team desires.

There's actually no point apologizing after the match because the damage has already been done. You might regret it till your death but I doubt if teams will ever forgive them after ruining the season in massive proportions. These referees should be made to realise the gravity of the situation they have created. The FA did a wonderful job asking Graham Poll to retire after a string of such incidents. On the contrary you have UEFA who are over-protective of their referees, even smuggling them out of a country to avoid excessive media exposure or fan fury.

What I propose here is to have the 3rd umpire in football. And its not an impossible task. It would rather make the game fair for both sides. The 3rd umpire views the match and can take various important decisions based on TV replays through different angles. The referees and the linesmen and the assistant referee are always using wireless communications. This I believe is the best feasible option to reduce the wrong refereeing decisions. Sensors placed on goal-line to make sure that the ball crosses the line.

Yes I agree that the 3rd umpire will have to take decisions immidiately but they will reduce the effect of a bad decision. Its a wonderful option. Cricket has it, Tennis has it, even American Football has it, then why not football?

Someone once told me, "These wrong decisions always affect the game. But it all evens out at the end of the season. Sometimes you are at the wrong end, sometimes you are on the lucky side." My question to him/her is, "Wonder if a team got really lucky with the referee against Stoke City and then lost a prestigious cup final due to erratic ridiculous decisions of the referee, would you still call it even?"

Qasab V/S Raj Thackeray

2008 was a year of ups and downs for Mumbai City. Though the down outweighed the ups, it's always good to have an optimistic approach! The two major events that shook the city from its very foundations were the 26/11 Terrorist attacks and Raj Thackeray/MNS Outcry in a bid to elevate the home crowd above their neighbours. Both resorted to a radical approach to prove their point displaying the innumerous loopholes in the efficacy of the Administrative services.

Everyday 20,000 people enter the commercial capital of India to chase their dreams. Some of them are successful proving their assiduous labour, some do not make it big and some dreams are crushed to the ground compelling them to face the harsh pragmatism that follows.

The absence of a strict vigil in the Indian Railways, evading the Octroi officials with heavy bribes and an inefficient coastguard make the city extremely vulnerable to foreign attacks. Qasab and his accolades exploited this dent in the armour. They unleashed their fury in various parts of the city holding people hostage, killing them and also eliminating three vital members of the ATS. Terrorism has taken a toll on matters hampering a country's progress in all directions. It has become more of a business today. The term 'Mercenaries' has been twisted into a cruel barbed wire which can be altered to kill. These terrorists can be tracked to various groups who in the name of 'jihad' are just burning money to instill fear in the common man's mind.

On the flipside is Raj Thackeray, The man behind the 'Marathi Manoos". The man who wants to protect the best interests of his community. However the real question is does he really want the best for 'Marathi Manoos' or is it just another cheap publicity stunt to garner public power? I personally believe he needs to be reminded of his job profile of bringing the country forward and not his linguistic minority. A country can function efficiently if its the best man for the job then be it a 'Bhaiyya' or 'Marathi Manoos'. All his caustic remarks about North Indians have sown seeds of communal terrorism and linguistic difrentiation.

All the riots, morchas and TV interviews are the best method to burn public money adding up to the regression of the country.

What happened to Mr. Thackeray when commandos were flown in from 'North India' to combat Qasab? Isn't it his job to speed up the judicial proceedings for Qasab rather than accept ridiculous penalties like "Qasab booked for ticketless travel!"

All in all this was just an account of what HAS happened. Both of them may seem equal on scale but India is suffering double. We have battled past the years to envision a better India. Terrorism has taken a toll on country's economy. To add to it MNS have done nothing but arouse communal tensions. Regional Terrorism suddenly has a new face. The face that hides behind the cover of protecting the people's rights. Resorting to extreme methods, the valour on glory of India is soiled to the darkest cavern of shame.

The uprising against Anjali Waghmare has just made the point stronger. It depicts the loss of trust in the judiciary panel and represents contempt of court. It has just delayed the proceedings resulting in incessant spending of human resource and the tax-payer's money.

Mr. Thackeray has to realise he has undertaken the job of running the country and that doesnt happen with reservation for 'Marathi Manoos'.

In retrospect, the two faces of Qasab and Thackeray are nothing different. Both of them have evoked tensions which have been tearing the country apart leaving it in shambles. They are two sides of the same coin which is proving detrimental to India's future prospects.

This is not directed towards the 'Marathi Manoos' or Muslims but everyone around, "OPEN YOUR EYES!", "SPOT THE NOT!"

8 Below!

Academy Awards have always established their prestige over the years commemorating motion pictures for their sheer brilliance in all fields. It serves as an impetous for the people in the industry to do better,perform better. But there is a BUT! Recently they have become a farce and have a supreme tendency to overlook films who revolve around excellence and are heavily artistic with their "out of the box" approach.

Every year I look forward to them hoping to see their talent and hard-work rewarded. The awards are for the sole purpose of highlighting the year's performance and not lifetime achievement. Else I am sure Kate Winslet would have won the best Actor(Female) award every year much to the jealousy of Meryl Streep! :P

With Slum-DOG making a clean sweep with 8 awards and people over-hyping the already frenzy crowd with their excitement really made me think. Was the movie that deserving? 8 academy awards is not A JOKE! Have people become that blind that they have absolutely no sense of whats being shown to them? Have people forgotten the awards are meant for excellence and not generation of entertainment! Anyways I thought Tina Fey/Steve Martin/Ellen DeGeneres would anyday make a better host than Wolverine!

Is my thinking biased since I am stuck on a movie which really took my senses away in 2008. Lets put it this way, Oscars are a battle between movies. So if you dont compare different genre's of movies you wont have a winner. Else start a new Oscar for every genre of film. I wonder how many of these events will Tropic Thunder take part in!!

Coming to the clean sweep.

1. Wikipedia lists Slumdog Millionaire as a British movie. Indians dont get so hyper please! Just because its based in India doesnt make it Indian! ;)

2. Wikipedia also lists Slumdog Millionaire as a Romantic Comedy! ROTFL! For those with doubts, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_comedy_film#Later_romantic_comedies
Please check the Later Romantic Comedies List!

3. Did Freida Pinto actually have a role in the movie?

4. How many 12 year old kids would go to a brothel and threaten the pimp with a gun and get his so called GF out of the Flesh Trade only to realise that she's later gonna be banged by his own brother and the Boss!

5. There's Benjamin Franklin of a 100$ note and he's clueless about Gandhiji on a 100 rupee note.

6. A slum-school teaches The Three Musketeers! Great!

7. He's a matka millionaire! He guesses the last answer.

8. If you do feel co-incidences have less odds, the storyline's odds would be 1/10000000000000000000000000000000000000000!

9. Highly improbable concept touching the story of a boy in the perfect chronological order.

10. What was a Krishna kid doing in the slums when there are riots going on! A messenger of peace? :P

11. Why does the host have to be jealous if the kid's winning when he is supposed to generate empathy towards him! What a fucked up character!

12. Cinematography - Amazing! Good Work!

13. Editing - Deserved the Oscar! Great Work!

14. Best Adapted Screenplay - This was a real joke! The movie was way way way too different from the book! Look at the amount ofdifferences! I guess Harry Potter is also a good adaptation then!

15. Music(Score) - A.R.Rahman. Should I be happy for a fellow Indian's success? Hell yeah I am! Did he deserve it? Jai Ho vs Rang De Basanti(All Songs!)/Taal/Yuva/Joddha Akbar/Bomaby and the list goes on.

16. Music(Song) - Rahman and Gulzar. Did they really understand the lyrics of the song? Or did they need subtitles!

17. Are 15 and 16 deserving after Newton Howard and Zimmer broke all records on last.fm even beating Enya!!

18. Sound Mixing! - WTF! After such pathetic background score, sound mixer also gets an academy award!!

19. Its just a picture of an ignorant India sold to the western world. Are we really that ignorant today?

20. Are we still that backward? Dont Indians compete at the very pinnacle of world level. Even a downtrodden person like the household maid can afford a cellphone!!

21. Why is it that the western world enjoys watching a rural india when we have so much to boast about. Our tourism, our history, our culture, our unified spirit, our cricket, our hospitality.

22. Why dont you support your country rather than support the movie which depicts only 1% of what we are and what we are capable of. Dont forget American companies crave for Indian students. Why?

23. Why is that there is a sudden increase in brain-gain?

24. Why is it that international companies have started setting their bases in India? Why is it that IIT and IIM is still better than Stanford or Wharton?

25. Why is India still being overlooked by our own people? Why are we crushing our own heritage?

I wish I had written this earlier. I do not recall parts of the movie due to my excessive watching of movies. And I definitely dont want to waste another 2 hours watching shit. Even my dog can point such things out. This is not a biased review of the ultimately "Flawless" movie but a pure look through of the mind. Some people might just push it to the back of their head citing the element of fiction, but what my real question is that does it deserve 8? Havent you seen better movies over the year. This year's Academy Awards were a total disappointment and really killed their importance and status. Take some time to think about these 25 things I have mentioned and then comment. 8 was really not called for. When 2 would actually suffice. Does Slumdog Millionaire really affect your mind so much? Does Slumdog Millionaire score greatly amongst the multitude of excellent films? Does Slumdog Millionaire have the key elements to bag 8? Does Slumdog Millionaire seem flawless? Think about it! ;)

Dead or Alive?!

Facing death is inevitable. Though its like a long holiday but the timing should be appropriate. I am sure no one wants to die a virgin! And no one wants to die at a young age. The way I drive my car, 80% people have refused to sit with me, 19% have forced me to drive through crowded roads and I couldnt find the daring 1%!!

Anyways in just 1 day my path with death almost crossed!! Ironically twice!!

Incident no. 1 -

It was a sunny Sunday morning. I was on my way to Shivaji Park for football. My 800 did a good a speed at Priyadarshini and I cut a lane into the Sion Flyover. The traffic was moderate on both ends. A white Indica followed me at close distance. For the very FIRST TIME in my life I genuinely though "Aaram se chalata hoon." My speedometer pointer didnt cross 55 kmph and I was enjoying the cool wind. I crossed the top of the fly-over and looked ahead. A Honda City speeding ahead in the wrong lane followed by a fully loaded Truck. I was like "FUCK!!!, aaj tu gaya beta!" The Indica was also catching up on me. I could imagine myself as a victim of some trap set by Jigsaw in Saw 8 being crushed to death. I braked gradually hoping to escape it. The Indica was inches away now. The City was also quite near. I closed my eyes for a moment and opened them. At the very last moment the City and the Truck cut into their respective lanes!! PHEWWWW! My heart slowed down. My legs were actually trembling and I had problems pressing the clutch! Anyways I escaped from the jaws of death!


Incident no. 2 -

This was the same Sunday night. After Mama and Mota had Sex on the Beach we left from Orchid. I was waiting on Parth's Accent(Dude I really love that car! How much are you selling it for?) bonnet while Deep parked his car. Suddenly Parth starts driving. I grabbed his wipers and he screeches! My heart was in my mouth...I was swearing loudly on the road! And suddenly he brakes! I pulled of a wiper as I slipped off the bonnet. The momentum threw me ahead. I was trying to run on the road. After twisting my ankle twice that day my figers seemed to be crush. Parth stopped inches wide from me. I really thought that was the end of me! With a Swift swooshing past in the other lane, even a small movement of the steering would have caused me to die!


Twice in a day I evaded death! It was luck by chance but I sucked life's and danced! :D :P

Redefining Sundays! ;)

Sundays are always meant to CHILL! Waking up late and relaxing the whole day. Taking time off work is what really defines a Sunday.

By the time I grew up, competetion levels had sprung up to heights kissing the Petronas Towers! Sundays suddenly lost its meaning. Everyday became an experience with monotonous black and white print. Life lost all its colour. Tutions became a costly affair with hours consumed within a confined space where all creativity is murdered coldly.

My experience was also not a very good one. Being academically good, expectations always killed the inner spirit to explore new things. However I decided to take matters in my hand once I realised the mistake. I wanted to do what I loved most. I wanted to change my Sunday into a more memorable day which keeps me buyoed throughout the week so that I can enjoy the delights of the coming Sundays.

Though I never get enough sleep on Sundays, I actually look forward to them. The alarm starts ringing at 6 a.m. and Sullu(I call my pet dog Sullu! lol!) starts licking me! Forcing my eyes to open, I start packing my kit for Sunday football practice at Shivaji Park. I hop into my 800 and my day kickstarts with the purring of the engine.

I love this part of the day. 6.45 a.m. The roads are all empty. (Those who had a once in a lifetime chance to sit with me in my 800 will HATE IT! :P) I step on the gas until my engine roars in pleasure. Once the speedometer touches 90-100, brakes become alien. Lane disciplane can go to HELL!

After reaching Shivaji Park the fun begins. Kit up and start with football practice! I play for CFCM(Chelsea Fan Club - Mumbai). A group I joined through Orkut. Since I have been playing for over a year now, we keep sharing light moments and joke around along with discussing World Football. After the heavy footballing session and Nikhil's bad jokes we head to the golawala.

I totally love this part. Its the most amazing gola I have ever had. Flushes out all the tiredness leaving a sense of satisfaction. Once the company breaks up, Coach gets a chance to come back home in my Enzo(Ferrari's collaboration with Maruti Suzuki to produce my master piece 800!). Either he is a big fattu on planet Earth or he doesnt realise the pleasure that lay in driving! My masterclass conclusions! ;).....

Once I get home, I get a warm welcome from Sullu! After a heavy gujju lunch I finally get some time to catch up on my sleep. Once the clock ticks 5, Sullu enters her active mode. Time to take her for her weekly entertainment. We hop into the Enzo again and head for Powai. I take her to the dog park every week. Trust me, If u havent been there, commit suicide by the nearest means possible! It is the most amazing place on planet Earth after my favourite eating joints!

The minute I enter the park, a new aura can be sensed filled with zeal and joy. Sullu runs around the other dogs wagging her tail, fluttering her ears. She enjoys attention from other male dogs! Lol! Then she starts licking other counter-parts which I totally hate! Then to prove that she is vegetarian and a hungry labrador, she starts munching on the grass. And I have to run behind her shouting her name. And the others follow my trail!

Once the sun sets behind the Powai hill its time to leave. Sullu sort of likes to run outside the park and I have to pull her everytime. We get into the car and head homewards.

This becomes a Sunday schedule for me. Things which I love doing most. Things which make the week feel worthwhile even if it is not. Things that hold special values. Things that produce life in vivid colours. Things that I will always cherish in the years to come. Things that can win over any sour moment in life.

Though a Sunday for me is fixed, atleast I dont spend it befriending my text-books and REDEFINING SUNDAYS to its truest meaning and purpose! Cheers! :)