I could account half my life's achievements to Orion Racing India! Probably the major attitude shaping came from ORI! But then everything comes with a price! No no I did not lose my girlfriend because of FSAE since FSAE has been termed as,"When you just cant get rid of a girlfriend!". These things are potential relationship killers! No I did not lose touch with my family as well! I just felt like I'm introduced to a new world and everytime you look at a car or even drive one, your mind just goes like the movies where the mechanism starts animating your mind!
Initially the phase seemed really good! Yea chics were impressed when they see your Business Card and when you keep talking about Germany and stuff! I wasnt doing it to impress them anyway! So finally when you learn a lot application becomes binding! And you finally apply your new found knowledge to those menacing machines and a sense of satisfaction then touches you! Oh yes, your myths busted and probably a smile breaks on your face thinking how dumb you were to either believe whatever someone said back then or not applying general physics to understand the working!
Anyway, Claude Rouelle told me,"The more you know, the more you dont know!". Pragmatists will totally agree with this line! I did too! I attended his seminar and I really have a feeling he's injected me with a concentrated dose of Vehicle Dynamics that now too much application can be detrimental to self, might even cause permanent mental trauma! Infact the fever started ever since I got my certificate that day! On my way back I had taken the Volvo with "Air Suspension"! Wow! The bus was rocking and I was actually thinking about the roll frequency! Everytime the bus braked or accelerated the squatting and diving came to my mind, weight transfer on the wheels, thinking which ones were getting worn out faster!
Funnily this is only the starters! Things are about to get worse! Some of you'll might have serious facepalm moments! Anyway here it goes, I took the purple Kinglong bus once! I was really happy that we had Air Conditioned buses in that scorching heat! However all my happiness was about to be shifted into reverse gear! They were Chinese! Damn! What dampers are they using? I sat in the bus and it zoomed off the stop! Automatic gears! Sweet! Just that the bus couldnt take the load when the momentum broke on braking! Moving on, extra soft springs! Great takes the bump real good, but what about the vibrations then? I'm sure they used the damper to get rid of the Transient state but then the dampers are Chinese! Steady state amplitude becomes too high to make the ride uncomfortable!
I was never a patient of motion sickness! But the extreme roll frequencies just made me one! God, dont they use an ARB? You're sitting in the bus and you can actually feel your blood going from left to right 100 times a second! I could hear my heart beating! Finally I get off the bus only to see the check valve was again Chinese! What a disappointment!
I finally met a friend of mine after a long time! We're sitting at an exclusive coffee outlet and talking. However my mind races like the Ferrari! I could see all cars moving, and suddenly the sky was filled with mathematical equations predicting various damping equations and temperatures and kinds of chassis and what not! Some cars looked stable, some looked they were made for BAJA, some looked like they can be driven only the Expressway! I could hardly have the 500 bucks coffee! My friend's best attempts to talk me out of it were probably the most failed ones in life! I'm observing the tires and my mind smirks,"Ha, he's using JK! He's not going over a year and half with them! Buy Michelin!". Then you have others with real bad weight transfer issues causing even the rims to bend bad! Shit, do they even design the car properly?
Anyway I took a Hyundai car once to some place. These guys actually believe soft is good! Okay I prefer softer springs but not the ones that have their static deflection equal to the maximum compression! Then you feel like you're riding a boat on the road! Streamlined stuff! On the other end of swing balance is Maruti Suzuki! Extra hard springs so that your car remains stable but your ass doesnt! You might actually come out with a sore ass after a long ride! My Indigo has some hybrid of Japanese and Chinese technologies! Initially it was as brilliant as the Japanese tech! Super sexy dampers and springs and stuff! In 1 year I feel I'm riding a bullock cart now, probably worse than Chinese! Never trust Tata, Golden rule of life!
Then I was off to Tiger point once! Where my beloved Indigo got stuck on a steep slope! Shifted into one, revved the engine to 4000 rpm and let the clutch go and boom the car was up the slope! Then I could smell the tears from my engine! And another animation comes to light! The one of the piston rings getting their asses rubbed against the cylinder walls! Aah, they get worn out, engine oil is boiled and my intake charge enters the crankcase! Aah, I'm gonna need some Positive Crankcase Ventilation! Probably a new set of piston rings, a better tension fan belt!
Worst was during exams! I'm waiting outside the cabin of my life's deadliest professor for the deadliest vivas of my life! When my mind should be thinking all about engines, this car walks up near me. I happen to glance at the tires, by now its a reflex action! Apollo! God help him! Then you look at the tire pressure! I'm sure he was running low on it looking at the shoulder! It was like almost pressed to the ground! And the world opens up again! Shit his tire shoulders are tired, what about the contact patch! We should get a pressure sensitive strip! Tire stiffness, all his suspension settings will be screwed!
These are times when I feel I should be admitted to Shutter Island! I have literally gone mad! My life has become something really animated! Hope I can find a good enough damper to kill the transient vibrations! Cheers!
Showing posts with label Driving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Driving. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Perfect Way to Drive in Mumbai!
The last time someone told me it is so much fun to drive in Mumbai, he also told me the Williams Sisters were "FUCKING HOT!". Half the city is dug up, the other half has potholes! Probably the biggest challenge for Suspension designers, design a car for Mumbai! If he's a virgin, he'll lose it soon!
Basically before you even turn the ignition you wanna make sure your co-passenger is wearing the seat belt, no no, not for safety issues but you wanna keep 100 bucks more cash in your wallet from the pandus!
Anyway, you shift into neutral, turn the key and the engine roars to life! This is exactly the moment when you should feel like Speed Racer. Your eyes becoming narrow with only one target in your mind, reaching the place in minimum time, yes even one millionth of a second counts! Your hands on the wheel feeling the car, and you feel like pulling down the visor, just that its as hypothetical as the Mach 5! Anyway you rev a little, like its a drag race! Press the clutch shift into one and off you go!
Now if you wanna act all cool, probably impress the "LAME CHICS" on the road, you could do a wheel spin and change your muffler tip to pump up the exhaust volume. I dont understand how its a turn on for people! Play loud music, probably some badly premixed house music with a woofer, so much so that only the vibrations are visibly felt and the "LAME CHICS" would go "Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooott!"
The 1st obstacle you'll face is public transport. Mumbai's 2nd lifeline and its a big PAIN IN THE ASS! The yellow and black 150cc guys actually believe "YEH MERE BAAP KA RAASTA HAI" And they feel they're Michael Schumacher's remote reincarnation and they've been given a 7 litre Mercedes to drive. They're gonna come racing and switching lanes like Tiger Woods' frequency of having sex! Oh yes and it can get frustrating beyond boundaries! At that time you'd want you're playing GTA Vice City and shoot the hell out of that guy and bang his ric so bad that it turns up in flames! Then there will be cases of two rics covering every lane of the narrow road and you're caught up behind them! Ahhh, you honk your ass out but its against their ego to move. So the two will race until one actually beats the other one! At this time you feel you're a part of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series and your fangs appear growling and giving khunnnus to the ric driver while overtaking.
From statics point of view, these rics are the major cause of every traffic jam that happens in the city! Everyone's driving and is in such a hurry to get everywhere, it feels like his wife is being banged by his best friend and he needs to get home before its too late! Too bad, probably she's even enjoyed it! And these guys are too space conscious, yes its good to have such an attitude in Mumbai but then you cant make the best use of it everytime! They'll look for microns, trust me, microns and even try and get into that kind of space revving their two stroke engines causing more pollution! And finally a crossing is totally blocked and you cannot just move out of it with the other guys pushing in as well! Its even worse than chaos! Its like someone scratching a blackboard! No wonder India's gonna have people with maximum heart issues!
Moving on, you finally reach a quiet street with a sign of no honking. Then you see a stray dog scuttling across the street, the inexperienced will honk their guts out making the dog feel so guilty about crossing the street. Yea well the case isnt really different with the pedestrians as well! They walk like they own the street, "KYA UKHADLEGA?". Simple, bang into them so hard, "PURI LIFE UKHAD JAAYE!". Then when you have to park the car. Aah, this city is devoid of free spaces! In a two lane road, one I can use for parking! Temporary, I'll switch my parking lights on. Job done. Then when you have traffic from both sides, I still wont budge my ass! Then 3 cars are somehow squeezed into it, you might even have clashing of rub rails!
Anyway enough of city driving. Lets move on to higher mileage options. The highway. Trucker's paradise! Last time I read a caption on Expressway, "Speed thrills but kills!" They should change it to, "Slow Speed truly kills without any thrills!" The minute your speedo touches below 60 KMPH you should consider yourself epic fail for no finding a way through. Oh yes, make the best use of every lane available and space left by other cars. Cut lanes, give yourself the Superman feeling! Drafting is an essential part of it! Keep drifting through the lanes until you find spaces and hit the throttle so hard that you get a turbo jerk! If someone told you never overtake from left, ask him to "FUCK OFF!". Simple and subtle! Make the truckers feel like you're Dominic Torretto and you're gonna rip him off by moving all around him just like in Fast and Furious. Supress other cars happily if you feel the other lane is going faster! Let them honk, you probably wanna show him the middle finger, just make sure you're going faster! Alternative option is from "Meet the Fockers!". Get a vinly made, "HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY!". Then let the little fucktard press the horn! Remember, every millionth of a second counts, so make the best of it!
Alternative factors will involve Best Buses! I respected them for their judgements, ultimate GODS! Even better than Aryton Senna! However they dont like when someone overtakes them! So expect them to stop in front of the road and wait for the passengers to barge into the bus to screw the leaf springs on just one side! So you probably wanna keep your temperament mild at this time! Others you'll face are amateur drivers! These guys have no idea whats happening around them! They'll drive like they're in some kind of trance, the one you feel when you see Megan Fox! They'll drive in their own Fantasy World and by the time they realise cutting into right wasnt a very good option they'll swing their wheel full left making you feel like that either the guy or the car is drunk! With a little more chauvinism, 99% chics drive like that!
So the next time someone tells you, stick to one lane, dont cross the speed limit, never overtake from the left, obey every freaking signal in town, just look them in the eyes and give one fiery look, enough to break their conscience down, sniff a little and blurt, I've read Mehul's guide, trust me!
P. S. - It might be counter productive with your dad! :P Cheers!
Basically before you even turn the ignition you wanna make sure your co-passenger is wearing the seat belt, no no, not for safety issues but you wanna keep 100 bucks more cash in your wallet from the pandus!
Anyway, you shift into neutral, turn the key and the engine roars to life! This is exactly the moment when you should feel like Speed Racer. Your eyes becoming narrow with only one target in your mind, reaching the place in minimum time, yes even one millionth of a second counts! Your hands on the wheel feeling the car, and you feel like pulling down the visor, just that its as hypothetical as the Mach 5! Anyway you rev a little, like its a drag race! Press the clutch shift into one and off you go!
Now if you wanna act all cool, probably impress the "LAME CHICS" on the road, you could do a wheel spin and change your muffler tip to pump up the exhaust volume. I dont understand how its a turn on for people! Play loud music, probably some badly premixed house music with a woofer, so much so that only the vibrations are visibly felt and the "LAME CHICS" would go "Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooott!"
The 1st obstacle you'll face is public transport. Mumbai's 2nd lifeline and its a big PAIN IN THE ASS! The yellow and black 150cc guys actually believe "YEH MERE BAAP KA RAASTA HAI" And they feel they're Michael Schumacher's remote reincarnation and they've been given a 7 litre Mercedes to drive. They're gonna come racing and switching lanes like Tiger Woods' frequency of having sex! Oh yes and it can get frustrating beyond boundaries! At that time you'd want you're playing GTA Vice City and shoot the hell out of that guy and bang his ric so bad that it turns up in flames! Then there will be cases of two rics covering every lane of the narrow road and you're caught up behind them! Ahhh, you honk your ass out but its against their ego to move. So the two will race until one actually beats the other one! At this time you feel you're a part of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series and your fangs appear growling and giving khunnnus to the ric driver while overtaking.
From statics point of view, these rics are the major cause of every traffic jam that happens in the city! Everyone's driving and is in such a hurry to get everywhere, it feels like his wife is being banged by his best friend and he needs to get home before its too late! Too bad, probably she's even enjoyed it! And these guys are too space conscious, yes its good to have such an attitude in Mumbai but then you cant make the best use of it everytime! They'll look for microns, trust me, microns and even try and get into that kind of space revving their two stroke engines causing more pollution! And finally a crossing is totally blocked and you cannot just move out of it with the other guys pushing in as well! Its even worse than chaos! Its like someone scratching a blackboard! No wonder India's gonna have people with maximum heart issues!
Moving on, you finally reach a quiet street with a sign of no honking. Then you see a stray dog scuttling across the street, the inexperienced will honk their guts out making the dog feel so guilty about crossing the street. Yea well the case isnt really different with the pedestrians as well! They walk like they own the street, "KYA UKHADLEGA?". Simple, bang into them so hard, "PURI LIFE UKHAD JAAYE!". Then when you have to park the car. Aah, this city is devoid of free spaces! In a two lane road, one I can use for parking! Temporary, I'll switch my parking lights on. Job done. Then when you have traffic from both sides, I still wont budge my ass! Then 3 cars are somehow squeezed into it, you might even have clashing of rub rails!
Anyway enough of city driving. Lets move on to higher mileage options. The highway. Trucker's paradise! Last time I read a caption on Expressway, "Speed thrills but kills!" They should change it to, "Slow Speed truly kills without any thrills!" The minute your speedo touches below 60 KMPH you should consider yourself epic fail for no finding a way through. Oh yes, make the best use of every lane available and space left by other cars. Cut lanes, give yourself the Superman feeling! Drafting is an essential part of it! Keep drifting through the lanes until you find spaces and hit the throttle so hard that you get a turbo jerk! If someone told you never overtake from left, ask him to "FUCK OFF!". Simple and subtle! Make the truckers feel like you're Dominic Torretto and you're gonna rip him off by moving all around him just like in Fast and Furious. Supress other cars happily if you feel the other lane is going faster! Let them honk, you probably wanna show him the middle finger, just make sure you're going faster! Alternative option is from "Meet the Fockers!". Get a vinly made, "HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY!". Then let the little fucktard press the horn! Remember, every millionth of a second counts, so make the best of it!
Alternative factors will involve Best Buses! I respected them for their judgements, ultimate GODS! Even better than Aryton Senna! However they dont like when someone overtakes them! So expect them to stop in front of the road and wait for the passengers to barge into the bus to screw the leaf springs on just one side! So you probably wanna keep your temperament mild at this time! Others you'll face are amateur drivers! These guys have no idea whats happening around them! They'll drive like they're in some kind of trance, the one you feel when you see Megan Fox! They'll drive in their own Fantasy World and by the time they realise cutting into right wasnt a very good option they'll swing their wheel full left making you feel like that either the guy or the car is drunk! With a little more chauvinism, 99% chics drive like that!
So the next time someone tells you, stick to one lane, dont cross the speed limit, never overtake from the left, obey every freaking signal in town, just look them in the eyes and give one fiery look, enough to break their conscience down, sniff a little and blurt, I've read Mehul's guide, trust me!
P. S. - It might be counter productive with your dad! :P Cheers!
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