Manual of Rules and other Horror Stories

It had been lying in my bag since eons and I really regret the absence of a mental acumen to go through such a fantastic publication! Heartfelt thanks to Neekita Singla for passing it over! It might just end up being a life saver! Here are some extracts...

1. There are no rules, only guidelines.

In an industry that values creativity and individual expression above all else, please remember that rules are merely a framework around which the job gets built, not some tenets written in stone that have to be followed to the letter like a fundamentalist religion. The wackis and weirdos make the business interesting, so if you want to bend or break the rules, be my guest: you may end up adding a new rules or two to this document, or losing your job... Be aware of the consequences, but dont be afraid to take risks.

2. According to the calculations of my engineers, based on the laws of physics and the known principles of aerodynamics, the bumblebee cannot fly.

The bumblebee, however, does not know this, and fliess.

This statement is often made in a distinctly disparaging tone aimed at putting down the know-it-alls who are so smart yet cant manage to understand something that is apparent to everyone else. And the morals drawn are many, including the notion of presisting with a new idea in the face of dogmatic adherence to old standards and maxims. No one ""proved" that bumblebees cant fly, what was shown was that a simple mathematical model wasnt adequate or appropriate to properly describe the flight of the bumblbee. If engineers had accepted this lacunae in their knowledge as the truth, the helicopter would never have been built.

You can never have enough knowledge, you must never stop learning, and knowledge is one of those things that you dont lose if you give some of it away.

3. Knowledge is power.

The more you learn, the more there is to learn: business is as wide as it is deep, and as you understand better what the experts and professionals do for your project, you will get better results...

4. Dont use a cannon to kill a fly. You lose a cannonball, but the fly survives.

... but use more than a flyswatter for a wild bear! Always be armed with the right tools for the job. This means people as well as infrastructure. It takes a certain amount of foresight and planning, but it will save resources for more appropriate situations, and result in a better job every time...

You could cut butter with a hacksaw, but you wouldnt want to; so why try to cut steel with a butter knife?

5. Learn to accept both criticism and compliments with grace.

In a business where compliments are few and far between, and mostly backhanded, accept them with a "thank you" but dont take them seriously, you'll get sowllen-headed for n ogood reason. Everybody is very free with criticism, but its mostly true, so dont take it personally.

I once told a friend who I often meet at a pub,"Stop wearing those padded bras, they look very fake!"(which was true). She got very upset. so the next time I met her I said,"Nice headlights, babe!"(which was untrue). She still got upset...

6. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

7. Dont be angry. You need to have done something with your life in order to deserve the right to be angry..

Anger does nothing for you, other than possibly increase your own blood pressure.

8. There is more stupidity that Hydrogen in universe, and it has a longer shelf life..

Watch out for your own stupidity. It's like getting pregnant unintentinally: once is ignorance, twice is negligence, thrice is stupidity. Ignorance is an acceptable excuse once. There is nothing more dangerous than a fool who does not know that he is a fool...

9. RTFM

For more details, wikipedia! ;)

Cheers!

SMS

Evr wndrd hw dffclt tis 2 rd sms lang? Sm fuls blv ds lang hlps sve chrctrs bt d amt of hrd wk u hv 2 do 2 jst rd dt 1 msg is rilli wrth sm engg xam! D oda fuls blv in usin mre chrctrs 2 emphsze d xprsn! Here's a list!

Hot - Haut/Hawt/Hoot - Are you an Owl?

Lol - Laul/Lawl/Lool - Imagine Charlie(Kaminey) calling for Raul!

Only - Onnie - I am sure my dog can count the letters too!

Know - noe! - Why not use 'no'?

Really - Rilli/Ryly/Rili/Ryli/Rily - Thank God there are no other alphabets like I and Y!

Nice - Nyce/Nyc - New York City?

Expression - Xprsn/Xpreshun - Sounds like some Russian Army Captain!

Hi - Hyi/Hy/Hie(Used by Guys too!) - Too much!

Screwed - Scrood/Screved/Scrud - LOL!

My - Ma/Mah/Mi - Wow! Maaaaaaa! :P

Read - Rd/Rid/Red - I meant Read and not Red! :P


And the best of the lot!

Coming! Hope you can make the right word out of it to fit the orgasmic meaning! :P LMAO!