I thought my dog deserved more place in my life and starting with a post on her after a long time was definitely a better option. Besides she does nothing apart from eating, sleeping and shitting around!
People hardly believe but I used to shit bricks on seeing a dog when I was a kid. Well it kind of went up to my 10th grade! I had to literally ask Deep to drop me home with those stray canines roaming around on the streets and building complex.
Anyway my tryst with these descendants of wolves started a little later when I was on a trip to Chennai and was at this unknown station watching a coke can with "Coke" written in Tamil on it. Interesting! And my cell rings. It was my sister and she said on the phone,"I've got the puppy home! Dad said not to have her. What do you wanna do?" Now thats a lot of answer for the question I was facing. Besides the coke can seemed more fascinating! I just stammered that I'll decide what to do when I came back.
When I finally got back home, I rung the bell at 5 in the morning. I was home after 7 days and was sort of looking forward to it. My sister opened the door. And this animal in white fur walks from behind her legs. Sleepy like hell, slowly treading towards me wanting to sniff me. She was barely as big as my forearm but her tail was awesome. Yea I have this thing for tails, whiskers and eyes in animals! Very rarely do I every call stuff cute or moments cute. I think this was one of those moments, when you actually feel like shouting out "cuteeeeee" like those melloD girls do and most definitely, it comes from within your heart! I think she had huge ears which really looked good since not a lot of dogs have it. I spent the rest of the time watching her move around the room, getting used to the place.
It had become an everyday struggle with parents. But I had decided that dog would stay. It had already become an integral part of my life. Innocence was defined in a new manner! She was an essence of happiness and vigour and joy. More importantly, she taught me how to spend time alone. Retrospections became a daily part of my life teaching me to concentrate on my strengths. Showing me my capabilities, understanding myself better!
Though my dog is pretty much an epitome of being dumb. I think I started calling her dyslexic after watching Taare Zameen Par. Not that she cannot hold on to stuff and catch stuff easily but somehow my dog just cant sniff. She feels embarrassed in front of my mom, dad and sister since they seem to have a a far better olfactory response. Neither does my dog pick up bags from the main door to the kitchen. And I'm sure she'd be floored by a robber who enters with even 1% compassion! But I dont think she should be subject to such stereotype dogs, I think I got various apt nicknames for her moods.
She walks like a seal when just awake making a lot of effort. Slipping at times. Her fur resembles that of a grizzly bear but then a polar bear fits the bill better. Once her food is served dinosaurs is what takes over her. You can actually spot her canines with intricate details on plaque on them! My dog is a big time fattu, so its more like calling her a pussy, I meant cat! :P When someone comes home, she stands on the sofa hand rest like Lion King just about to roar in happiness! When someone's taking her down, she's like a kangaroo jumping constantly till the doors are opened. The way she opens her legs and hands while sleeping makes her resemble a lizard. Crawls like a croc. I think I pretty much have a zoo at home!
Its fun to have her fluffy blanket body on the bed but it could get it you because she will never sleep with her back towards you. She'll stick her wet nose on your body and exhale at five times the normal speed making your ears feel like a nearby tornado! But she sleeps pretty peacefully. It could get a little jealous when she sleeps for nearly 12-14 hours in a day. At times she stick a little part of her tongue out in deep sleep. I never knew dogs dream! My dog digs when she dreams!
More importantly my dog taught me that having dogs is a better option than having kids in a million ways! I can actually count them! No that doesnt mean I wont have sex either! Thank god for condoms! :P
I think the best part about having a dog comes from the movie Marley and Me. I could figure myself with a striking similarity to John Grogan. But here's how it went,
A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Social Slur
I live my life by a certain defined set of rules, and I totally hate myself for the massive amount of non-compliance with a simple set! I just keep making exceptions and exceptions and some more exceptions till I know the whole thing just nibbles on me slowly like red ants. Finally it’s a complete ant hill to carry. However there are some exceptions which I really follow. I am a firm believer in "You get what you deserve. You work for what you want!" Now the Bourneville guys were totally inspired from this but this is just more than cocoa. This is definitely some food for thought!
I was on my way back home from the counsellor when I was stuck at the Amar Mahal signal. This little boy, strikingly similar boy from Slumdog came asking for money. Now came in the strong play of my set of rules. I haven’t seen the world, but I've seen enough to pass a judgement here. I never give them money; always turn my face away thinking he needs to earn it. Now for the initial few years, it worked wonders because I was so absorbed in my self-righteousness and I never cared to look beyond my own plate.
Its only when you allow a certain degree of freedom can you cut some slack and have a broader view of things. However it does not encompass thorough solvency of rules, because in that case it would be severely detrimental! Anyway I was thinking, that kid is one third my size, he's not wearing any clothes and is just wandering around with a small bowl in his hand. Initial response was to pound in some change into the bowl, but then experience pinches, they'll all be coming like a pack of wolves and keep haunting till the signal turns green.
My retrospections got me to a certain degree of understanding which I never had before. For God's sake, he's 7 years old, how able is he? He doesn’t know there are 26 alphabets in the English language and I expect him to earn that money! He's been forced into something he isn’t supposed to and I expect him to earn that money! He hardly has the capability to fill his own stomach and I expect him to earn that money! I have to agree that my attitude might be heralded as the perfect way for the future but it was a bit harsh on my part to expect the same thing out of the poor soul. You could be lax once in a while, and it won’t really make your wallet lighter if a few coins could bring a smile on someone’s face but you surely are to think twice at this point. There are various facets that actually rise at this point.
1.The temporary smile on his face is obviously a good deed worth commemorating. It’s coming back to you, that’s karma. However looking at the bigger picture, you’ve encouraged an unnecessary evil prevalent in the society. I’m not trying to blame the kid here; he’s just doing the things he’s being told to do. I’m not even trying to delineate the fact that you need to be a cold hearted animal and just snuff the poor boy away. But as he grows, he will tend to do the same. It’s like an epidemic and needs to be taken care of in the right way.
2.You could do it once in a while. Now that seems to be a good and practical solution out. Not to forget diplomatic as well! Life will look sweeter because it’s only being done once in a while, when you’re in those generous moods and just want to do good to the world. Mumbai’s population is near about 17 million, imagine the number of people who think that way. So if the previous option is out of question, option 2 leads to the same conclusion of the eclipsing obscurity.
3.I’m an honest tax payer and the government should utilise the funds better. Okay let’s play around the first adjective, honest. We should probably leave it to your walls and crevices in your house. Probably a little conventional, but old is gold! But you do have a point there. You’re paying tax, where is the monetary support that these people are bound to receive? Super question. If you’d asked me a few days back, I would have been of the same opinion. Then I had a Buddha moment. The government coffers are usually up to brim but does the general public actually deserve the stuff that comes out of that money? And with the term general, it includes you, me and that boy as well. Okay the boy doesn’t have say over there. Narrowing down on you and me, we don’t deserve the public services, not one bit. We can’t even imagine of maintaining them, staining them with red spit and engraving names. Sure you’d feel like Michelangelo or perhaps you just got your Juliet but you’re nothing more than stupid roadside Romeo/Rascal. So it’s a little harsh on the government every time because you need to refer the commencement of the post and its implications. No we don’t deserve it, so don’t ask for it.
I might be straying from the primary point of the post but it was important to establish a firm view against the generally held perception of “I AM GOD.”
My point here is not to elucidate the fact that charity is something heinous rather than the hackneyed belief of it as a panegyric task, because it is worth the laud. But we fail to see the creeping lassitude which is slowly but surely a parasite and will threatens to grow big.
So, what’s the solution? Well I’ve been looking for one myself. Totally awaiting another Buddha moment. I am not a very big fan of social service but I have deep respect for the people who opt for it. Teach India foundation was one such good cause but we need to delve deeper to get to the roots. We need to elevate the standard of living, not only ours but others around us as well! As responsible citizens we could also try and sponsor education for one of these guys. Imagine how many people could be swept off the streets. I’m talking from experience, and I know it can work wonders. The government could build designated areas in the suburbs to fight congestion in downtown. Have a school for these kids. If I had my way, I’d take the right to produce kids from these guys. I know devilish but we need to CONTROL!
As for the guy at the signal, I could’ve ripped my wallet apart with all the change and make him happy for a day or two. Use the other 100 bucks to have a meal at McDonalds. Or I could go home and have mom’s food and buy a football worth 100 bucks and gift it to the boy. It’d have the same outcome, definitely but I did my bit against fighting the immoral and abject conditions he’s being poised to. Get up, do your bit, let’s make this a better place to live in!
I was on my way back home from the counsellor when I was stuck at the Amar Mahal signal. This little boy, strikingly similar boy from Slumdog came asking for money. Now came in the strong play of my set of rules. I haven’t seen the world, but I've seen enough to pass a judgement here. I never give them money; always turn my face away thinking he needs to earn it. Now for the initial few years, it worked wonders because I was so absorbed in my self-righteousness and I never cared to look beyond my own plate.
Its only when you allow a certain degree of freedom can you cut some slack and have a broader view of things. However it does not encompass thorough solvency of rules, because in that case it would be severely detrimental! Anyway I was thinking, that kid is one third my size, he's not wearing any clothes and is just wandering around with a small bowl in his hand. Initial response was to pound in some change into the bowl, but then experience pinches, they'll all be coming like a pack of wolves and keep haunting till the signal turns green.
My retrospections got me to a certain degree of understanding which I never had before. For God's sake, he's 7 years old, how able is he? He doesn’t know there are 26 alphabets in the English language and I expect him to earn that money! He's been forced into something he isn’t supposed to and I expect him to earn that money! He hardly has the capability to fill his own stomach and I expect him to earn that money! I have to agree that my attitude might be heralded as the perfect way for the future but it was a bit harsh on my part to expect the same thing out of the poor soul. You could be lax once in a while, and it won’t really make your wallet lighter if a few coins could bring a smile on someone’s face but you surely are to think twice at this point. There are various facets that actually rise at this point.
1.The temporary smile on his face is obviously a good deed worth commemorating. It’s coming back to you, that’s karma. However looking at the bigger picture, you’ve encouraged an unnecessary evil prevalent in the society. I’m not trying to blame the kid here; he’s just doing the things he’s being told to do. I’m not even trying to delineate the fact that you need to be a cold hearted animal and just snuff the poor boy away. But as he grows, he will tend to do the same. It’s like an epidemic and needs to be taken care of in the right way.
2.You could do it once in a while. Now that seems to be a good and practical solution out. Not to forget diplomatic as well! Life will look sweeter because it’s only being done once in a while, when you’re in those generous moods and just want to do good to the world. Mumbai’s population is near about 17 million, imagine the number of people who think that way. So if the previous option is out of question, option 2 leads to the same conclusion of the eclipsing obscurity.
3.I’m an honest tax payer and the government should utilise the funds better. Okay let’s play around the first adjective, honest. We should probably leave it to your walls and crevices in your house. Probably a little conventional, but old is gold! But you do have a point there. You’re paying tax, where is the monetary support that these people are bound to receive? Super question. If you’d asked me a few days back, I would have been of the same opinion. Then I had a Buddha moment. The government coffers are usually up to brim but does the general public actually deserve the stuff that comes out of that money? And with the term general, it includes you, me and that boy as well. Okay the boy doesn’t have say over there. Narrowing down on you and me, we don’t deserve the public services, not one bit. We can’t even imagine of maintaining them, staining them with red spit and engraving names. Sure you’d feel like Michelangelo or perhaps you just got your Juliet but you’re nothing more than stupid roadside Romeo/Rascal. So it’s a little harsh on the government every time because you need to refer the commencement of the post and its implications. No we don’t deserve it, so don’t ask for it.
I might be straying from the primary point of the post but it was important to establish a firm view against the generally held perception of “I AM GOD.”
My point here is not to elucidate the fact that charity is something heinous rather than the hackneyed belief of it as a panegyric task, because it is worth the laud. But we fail to see the creeping lassitude which is slowly but surely a parasite and will threatens to grow big.
So, what’s the solution? Well I’ve been looking for one myself. Totally awaiting another Buddha moment. I am not a very big fan of social service but I have deep respect for the people who opt for it. Teach India foundation was one such good cause but we need to delve deeper to get to the roots. We need to elevate the standard of living, not only ours but others around us as well! As responsible citizens we could also try and sponsor education for one of these guys. Imagine how many people could be swept off the streets. I’m talking from experience, and I know it can work wonders. The government could build designated areas in the suburbs to fight congestion in downtown. Have a school for these kids. If I had my way, I’d take the right to produce kids from these guys. I know devilish but we need to CONTROL!
As for the guy at the signal, I could’ve ripped my wallet apart with all the change and make him happy for a day or two. Use the other 100 bucks to have a meal at McDonalds. Or I could go home and have mom’s food and buy a football worth 100 bucks and gift it to the boy. It’d have the same outcome, definitely but I did my bit against fighting the immoral and abject conditions he’s being poised to. Get up, do your bit, let’s make this a better place to live in!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Manual of Rules and other Horror Stories
It had been lying in my bag since eons and I really regret the absence of a mental acumen to go through such a fantastic publication! Heartfelt thanks to Neekita Singla for passing it over! It might just end up being a life saver! Here are some extracts...
1. There are no rules, only guidelines.
In an industry that values creativity and individual expression above all else, please remember that rules are merely a framework around which the job gets built, not some tenets written in stone that have to be followed to the letter like a fundamentalist religion. The wackis and weirdos make the business interesting, so if you want to bend or break the rules, be my guest: you may end up adding a new rules or two to this document, or losing your job... Be aware of the consequences, but dont be afraid to take risks.
2. According to the calculations of my engineers, based on the laws of physics and the known principles of aerodynamics, the bumblebee cannot fly.
The bumblebee, however, does not know this, and fliess.
This statement is often made in a distinctly disparaging tone aimed at putting down the know-it-alls who are so smart yet cant manage to understand something that is apparent to everyone else. And the morals drawn are many, including the notion of presisting with a new idea in the face of dogmatic adherence to old standards and maxims. No one ""proved" that bumblebees cant fly, what was shown was that a simple mathematical model wasnt adequate or appropriate to properly describe the flight of the bumblbee. If engineers had accepted this lacunae in their knowledge as the truth, the helicopter would never have been built.
You can never have enough knowledge, you must never stop learning, and knowledge is one of those things that you dont lose if you give some of it away.
3. Knowledge is power.
The more you learn, the more there is to learn: business is as wide as it is deep, and as you understand better what the experts and professionals do for your project, you will get better results...
4. Dont use a cannon to kill a fly. You lose a cannonball, but the fly survives.
... but use more than a flyswatter for a wild bear! Always be armed with the right tools for the job. This means people as well as infrastructure. It takes a certain amount of foresight and planning, but it will save resources for more appropriate situations, and result in a better job every time...
You could cut butter with a hacksaw, but you wouldnt want to; so why try to cut steel with a butter knife?
5. Learn to accept both criticism and compliments with grace.
In a business where compliments are few and far between, and mostly backhanded, accept them with a "thank you" but dont take them seriously, you'll get sowllen-headed for n ogood reason. Everybody is very free with criticism, but its mostly true, so dont take it personally.
I once told a friend who I often meet at a pub,"Stop wearing those padded bras, they look very fake!"(which was true). She got very upset. so the next time I met her I said,"Nice headlights, babe!"(which was untrue). She still got upset...
6. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
7. Dont be angry. You need to have done something with your life in order to deserve the right to be angry..
Anger does nothing for you, other than possibly increase your own blood pressure.
8. There is more stupidity that Hydrogen in universe, and it has a longer shelf life..
Watch out for your own stupidity. It's like getting pregnant unintentinally: once is ignorance, twice is negligence, thrice is stupidity. Ignorance is an acceptable excuse once. There is nothing more dangerous than a fool who does not know that he is a fool...
9. RTFM
For more details, wikipedia! ;)
Cheers!
1. There are no rules, only guidelines.
In an industry that values creativity and individual expression above all else, please remember that rules are merely a framework around which the job gets built, not some tenets written in stone that have to be followed to the letter like a fundamentalist religion. The wackis and weirdos make the business interesting, so if you want to bend or break the rules, be my guest: you may end up adding a new rules or two to this document, or losing your job... Be aware of the consequences, but dont be afraid to take risks.
2. According to the calculations of my engineers, based on the laws of physics and the known principles of aerodynamics, the bumblebee cannot fly.
The bumblebee, however, does not know this, and fliess.
This statement is often made in a distinctly disparaging tone aimed at putting down the know-it-alls who are so smart yet cant manage to understand something that is apparent to everyone else. And the morals drawn are many, including the notion of presisting with a new idea in the face of dogmatic adherence to old standards and maxims. No one ""proved" that bumblebees cant fly, what was shown was that a simple mathematical model wasnt adequate or appropriate to properly describe the flight of the bumblbee. If engineers had accepted this lacunae in their knowledge as the truth, the helicopter would never have been built.
You can never have enough knowledge, you must never stop learning, and knowledge is one of those things that you dont lose if you give some of it away.
3. Knowledge is power.
The more you learn, the more there is to learn: business is as wide as it is deep, and as you understand better what the experts and professionals do for your project, you will get better results...
4. Dont use a cannon to kill a fly. You lose a cannonball, but the fly survives.
... but use more than a flyswatter for a wild bear! Always be armed with the right tools for the job. This means people as well as infrastructure. It takes a certain amount of foresight and planning, but it will save resources for more appropriate situations, and result in a better job every time...
You could cut butter with a hacksaw, but you wouldnt want to; so why try to cut steel with a butter knife?
5. Learn to accept both criticism and compliments with grace.
In a business where compliments are few and far between, and mostly backhanded, accept them with a "thank you" but dont take them seriously, you'll get sowllen-headed for n ogood reason. Everybody is very free with criticism, but its mostly true, so dont take it personally.
I once told a friend who I often meet at a pub,"Stop wearing those padded bras, they look very fake!"(which was true). She got very upset. so the next time I met her I said,"Nice headlights, babe!"(which was untrue). She still got upset...
6. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
7. Dont be angry. You need to have done something with your life in order to deserve the right to be angry..
Anger does nothing for you, other than possibly increase your own blood pressure.
8. There is more stupidity that Hydrogen in universe, and it has a longer shelf life..
Watch out for your own stupidity. It's like getting pregnant unintentinally: once is ignorance, twice is negligence, thrice is stupidity. Ignorance is an acceptable excuse once. There is nothing more dangerous than a fool who does not know that he is a fool...
9. RTFM
For more details, wikipedia! ;)
Cheers!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
SMS
Evr wndrd hw dffclt tis 2 rd sms lang? Sm fuls blv ds lang hlps sve chrctrs bt d amt of hrd wk u hv 2 do 2 jst rd dt 1 msg is rilli wrth sm engg xam! D oda fuls blv in usin mre chrctrs 2 emphsze d xprsn! Here's a list!
Hot - Haut/Hawt/Hoot - Are you an Owl?
Lol - Laul/Lawl/Lool - Imagine Charlie(Kaminey) calling for Raul!
Only - Onnie - I am sure my dog can count the letters too!
Know - noe! - Why not use 'no'?
Really - Rilli/Ryly/Rili/Ryli/Rily - Thank God there are no other alphabets like I and Y!
Nice - Nyce/Nyc - New York City?
Expression - Xprsn/Xpreshun - Sounds like some Russian Army Captain!
Hi - Hyi/Hy/Hie(Used by Guys too!) - Too much!
Screwed - Scrood/Screved/Scrud - LOL!
My - Ma/Mah/Mi - Wow! Maaaaaaa! :P
Read - Rd/Rid/Red - I meant Read and not Red! :P
And the best of the lot!
Coming! Hope you can make the right word out of it to fit the orgasmic meaning! :P LMAO!
Hot - Haut/Hawt/Hoot - Are you an Owl?
Lol - Laul/Lawl/Lool - Imagine Charlie(Kaminey) calling for Raul!
Only - Onnie - I am sure my dog can count the letters too!
Know - noe! - Why not use 'no'?
Really - Rilli/Ryly/Rili/Ryli/Rily - Thank God there are no other alphabets like I and Y!
Nice - Nyce/Nyc - New York City?
Expression - Xprsn/Xpreshun - Sounds like some Russian Army Captain!
Hi - Hyi/Hy/Hie(Used by Guys too!) - Too much!
Screwed - Scrood/Screved/Scrud - LOL!
My - Ma/Mah/Mi - Wow! Maaaaaaa! :P
Read - Rd/Rid/Red - I meant Read and not Red! :P
And the best of the lot!
Coming! Hope you can make the right word out of it to fit the orgasmic meaning! :P LMAO!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Common"WEALTH" Games, 2010
I've been adjudged as someone who probably hates India from the core of his heart. Well there aren't a lot of things to be proud about anyway! And as history goes, one wrong doing will always TAKE YOU DOWN. Its a little calumnious to display my censorious side, since its always been about exhibiting the veracity of the situation!
2003, India pimped Canada to take the lead for the 2010 Commonwealth Games. Now I dont really follow the sport or something but its obviously something to hold your head high with pride and honour. Conversely, we had 7 years to prepare! Simply speaking, for a whole of 364 weeks we were just sitting on our asses, toasting our Swiss Bank accounts with colossal magnitudes, idling our time away until the ass actually caught fire, enough to cause mass conflagration!
I really liked the logo of the CWG 2010. Probably it was a mere object that belied the onslaught of the aspersion that was to follow! And the antics by the organizing committee is definitely the icing on the cake. Their statements are ludicrous and will probably serve as world class entertainment for the generations to come. We've been carved out with years of assiduous labour as the sublime laughing stock for the whole world!
Anyway, peek-a-boo at the national shame they've caused us! By 2009, the games fell way behind schedule. Like WAY WAY behind! Like they had to carry a heavy carapace! 13 out of the 19 venues went behind schedule! And they were supposed to keep a year for trial runs!
2 weeks before the games, you have unfinished living quarters, no amenities, POOR santiation and dogs defecating on beds! And they guys were valorous enough to come up with statements like,"Due to cultural differences, India has different cleanliness standards from the western world." Calling it ridiculous is an understatement in all kinds. I'm guessing a dog defecates on the committee's bed everyday before sleeping!
Quality control in India needs no awakening. I dont even need to discuss it when you have foot-over bridges collapsing because the cables snapped! The weightlifting venue ceiling couldn't hold its own weight! Contemptuous stuff!
An international reporter got into the venue with a light intensity bomb to prove the tenacity of the Indian vigilance. Labourers work in human conditions for less than 3$/8 hours a day. Thats probably what I spend on food in two days. So many countries have pulled out, that now we actually have a chance of winning a gold!
I dont know what are the implications of this event. I dont know how many people are proud Indians today. But there are some things for sure. 6 months down the line, we'll forget who Mr. Suresh Kalmadi is. That is pure Indian mentality. We might see him on Big Boss a few seasons later. If he has any pending court cases, they'll be cleared within 20 years and thats being optimistic! And finally the nail on the head,"Patriotism is the last refuge of all scoundrels."
I wish Adolf Hitler was running our country. Amen.
2003, India pimped Canada to take the lead for the 2010 Commonwealth Games. Now I dont really follow the sport or something but its obviously something to hold your head high with pride and honour. Conversely, we had 7 years to prepare! Simply speaking, for a whole of 364 weeks we were just sitting on our asses, toasting our Swiss Bank accounts with colossal magnitudes, idling our time away until the ass actually caught fire, enough to cause mass conflagration!
I really liked the logo of the CWG 2010. Probably it was a mere object that belied the onslaught of the aspersion that was to follow! And the antics by the organizing committee is definitely the icing on the cake. Their statements are ludicrous and will probably serve as world class entertainment for the generations to come. We've been carved out with years of assiduous labour as the sublime laughing stock for the whole world!
Anyway, peek-a-boo at the national shame they've caused us! By 2009, the games fell way behind schedule. Like WAY WAY behind! Like they had to carry a heavy carapace! 13 out of the 19 venues went behind schedule! And they were supposed to keep a year for trial runs!
2 weeks before the games, you have unfinished living quarters, no amenities, POOR santiation and dogs defecating on beds! And they guys were valorous enough to come up with statements like,"Due to cultural differences, India has different cleanliness standards from the western world." Calling it ridiculous is an understatement in all kinds. I'm guessing a dog defecates on the committee's bed everyday before sleeping!
Quality control in India needs no awakening. I dont even need to discuss it when you have foot-over bridges collapsing because the cables snapped! The weightlifting venue ceiling couldn't hold its own weight! Contemptuous stuff!
An international reporter got into the venue with a light intensity bomb to prove the tenacity of the Indian vigilance. Labourers work in human conditions for less than 3$/8 hours a day. Thats probably what I spend on food in two days. So many countries have pulled out, that now we actually have a chance of winning a gold!
I dont know what are the implications of this event. I dont know how many people are proud Indians today. But there are some things for sure. 6 months down the line, we'll forget who Mr. Suresh Kalmadi is. That is pure Indian mentality. We might see him on Big Boss a few seasons later. If he has any pending court cases, they'll be cleared within 20 years and thats being optimistic! And finally the nail on the head,"Patriotism is the last refuge of all scoundrels."
I wish Adolf Hitler was running our country. Amen.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Top 10 munchers!
This is probably going to be the post with maximum acidulous comments and opinions! And I choose to ignore them all since these are "MY" thoughts! Now if I had the power, I'd probably kidnap the main chefs at these places to a private offshore house and probably have the time of my life and living with the fact that I'll never fit into an FSAE car, atleast the Orion Racing version of it! Screw them, they'll realise the gravity of their actions someday! Anyway here's something to get your tummy working!
1. Ram Ashraya, Matunga - Beatitude bestowed with quality idlis and mouth watering dosas! You just CANT get bored of it! Probably after a hard night at the workshop, its the place to be at!
2. Grill House, Chembur - Indianised version of Chinese food served freshed with hot spices which make your taste buds go mad, LITERALLY! A little sidey, but who cares?
3. Achija, Ghatkopar - My night hangout place with Nikunj! Awesome pav bhaji and the chinese tastes better with the bread! You ought to try it!
4. Koylas, Colaba - Amidst the hookah smoke, the huge bread basket assorted with butter and awesome punjabi food with sauteed mushrooms make it a must eat place!
5. Ayubs, Colaba - The best place in the city for a hot grill! Barbequed style paneer and mushroom along with potatoes make my dates go mad over the food! Its gradual after that! :P
6. 5 Spice, Bandra/Town - Here's a taste of authentic chinese food served in an awesome ambience topped with the best desserts in town! It'll truly cause you to die of addiction!
7. Bade Miyan's, Colaba - No mushrooms but on the flipside they give a lot more variety than Ayubs! Great food! Must visit for all barbeque lovers!
8. Kobe's Sizzlers, All over the city - Steaming fresh with vegetables, gets a HUMONGOUS smile on my mom's face since its the first on the list thats quite healthy! I'd head anytime of the day here!
9. Chili's, Powai - It might drill a huge hole in the pocket but the size of the burger and its taste is probably worth the hole! Great food, gets your tummy working and you ought not to leave the place without stuffing yourself beyond what you actually can!
Now at this point I'd love to add the 15" paratha I had at Chandni Chowk but I cant! And probably most of this list would be taken over by Delhi with a lot of ease but lets stick to the neighbourhood!
10. Bhagat Tarachand, Vashi - AWESOME. Period.
Now it might take some time to digest this heavy food, some of you'll must have tried it as well! Take some time to contemplate and if you do not agree, good for you! For the others who've missed out on any of these, you're probably wasting a lot of time warming the chair sitting in front of the computer! Get up, get out, HOG! :D
1. Ram Ashraya, Matunga - Beatitude bestowed with quality idlis and mouth watering dosas! You just CANT get bored of it! Probably after a hard night at the workshop, its the place to be at!
2. Grill House, Chembur - Indianised version of Chinese food served freshed with hot spices which make your taste buds go mad, LITERALLY! A little sidey, but who cares?
3. Achija, Ghatkopar - My night hangout place with Nikunj! Awesome pav bhaji and the chinese tastes better with the bread! You ought to try it!
4. Koylas, Colaba - Amidst the hookah smoke, the huge bread basket assorted with butter and awesome punjabi food with sauteed mushrooms make it a must eat place!
5. Ayubs, Colaba - The best place in the city for a hot grill! Barbequed style paneer and mushroom along with potatoes make my dates go mad over the food! Its gradual after that! :P
6. 5 Spice, Bandra/Town - Here's a taste of authentic chinese food served in an awesome ambience topped with the best desserts in town! It'll truly cause you to die of addiction!
7. Bade Miyan's, Colaba - No mushrooms but on the flipside they give a lot more variety than Ayubs! Great food! Must visit for all barbeque lovers!
8. Kobe's Sizzlers, All over the city - Steaming fresh with vegetables, gets a HUMONGOUS smile on my mom's face since its the first on the list thats quite healthy! I'd head anytime of the day here!
9. Chili's, Powai - It might drill a huge hole in the pocket but the size of the burger and its taste is probably worth the hole! Great food, gets your tummy working and you ought not to leave the place without stuffing yourself beyond what you actually can!
Now at this point I'd love to add the 15" paratha I had at Chandni Chowk but I cant! And probably most of this list would be taken over by Delhi with a lot of ease but lets stick to the neighbourhood!
10. Bhagat Tarachand, Vashi - AWESOME. Period.
Now it might take some time to digest this heavy food, some of you'll must have tried it as well! Take some time to contemplate and if you do not agree, good for you! For the others who've missed out on any of these, you're probably wasting a lot of time warming the chair sitting in front of the computer! Get up, get out, HOG! :D
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Two Wheel Endemic - Desh Ki Dhadhkan??
A million internal combustion engine powered machines pump through the country's arteries everyday! However those helmet clad self proclaimed cool dudes and adorning huge Gucci sunglasses, probably even more bigger than their face racing around like ninjas population are blocking the Aorta and the normalties might just run a severe cardiac arrest!
Only after I got my licence did I pay attention to these bikers! They race around the streets like Valentino Rossi thinking for every dangerous cut they make, they'll get brownie points and move up on the list of the deadliest bikers in India! Dont worry, once you ride a bike, you're stamped on your forehead,"Yes I'm deadly! I probably caused disasters worse than 9/11!"
For once I actually wish the laws of Physics could be violated! For every degree of banking they should lose as much grip as possible! Only then will those single minded fools learn how to drive straight and not rock around like a speedboat from Mexico! And no its not only the CBR's and Hayabusa's but people actually perform it on Splendours, CT-100s and Activas! Oh yes! Now is that talent? LOL! Then even Justin Beiber can sing! The point is there's no point in showing off so much by revving that throttle, performing a wheelie! Go burn the rubber on some lonely asphalt!
Then the ones with those huge bikes, the eliminators thinking those are in the league of Harley Davidson! Hmmmm....LAME! I actually crashed my car into one of them! And guess what the guy thought! I'm at Monza, curving into the dangerous Ascari chicane! Casey Stoner is on my ass, I gotta pick up the speed no matter if I'm joining some highway at the end of the road! I've gotta stop Casey, no matter what! Zoooom he went and his ephemeral success was suddenly brought to light! BRAKE MAAR! What's more he was riding with someone else who scratched his back, and he's asking me for cash! This is exactly the point where your ego stands tall! But wait a minute, its not my fault! I'm getting home, sorry to interrupt with your race and you're making me pay because you crashed out?
The other day I was riding on the Eastern Expressway! Foul mood means I treat my car like the bikers! Even nanometres are scrutinized and lanes are cut like warm bread! Anyway I was pretty fast! At that time I was feeling a perfectly ambivalent state of mind, because driving was taking it away! I was in between the 1st and the 2nd lane and saw a little gap opening up! And to my horror, a biker with a pillion rider! If I had made my move, I surely would've killed two people but without any regrets! Braked hard, good enough to probably burn my discs! I honked like mad! Yea when I'm irritated I just keep honking, probably continuously to drain my battery until they move out of the way! However this guy was adamant! He wouldnt budge! And for the rest of the road I was stuck between a truck and bus! Heavenly feeling!! :P
They wear those Kimi Raikkonen replica helmets! Too bad not even 1% of Kimi's skill is transferred on such mediocre actions! You've been embellished with man's 3rd best creation though funny it doesnt give more than 40% efficiency! Make good use of it rather than running over people! Desultory performances are often condoned even by remotely smart people!
I hate bikers, probably more than Justin Beiber and Williams Sisters and Sergio Busquets and Tom Henning Ovrebo and others on my hitlist! Dont delineate something to hate, something extremely caustic to your ownself! Be safe, ride safe and let our cuspids work with enough efficacy to leave the veins from coagulation! Cheers!
Only after I got my licence did I pay attention to these bikers! They race around the streets like Valentino Rossi thinking for every dangerous cut they make, they'll get brownie points and move up on the list of the deadliest bikers in India! Dont worry, once you ride a bike, you're stamped on your forehead,"Yes I'm deadly! I probably caused disasters worse than 9/11!"
For once I actually wish the laws of Physics could be violated! For every degree of banking they should lose as much grip as possible! Only then will those single minded fools learn how to drive straight and not rock around like a speedboat from Mexico! And no its not only the CBR's and Hayabusa's but people actually perform it on Splendours, CT-100s and Activas! Oh yes! Now is that talent? LOL! Then even Justin Beiber can sing! The point is there's no point in showing off so much by revving that throttle, performing a wheelie! Go burn the rubber on some lonely asphalt!
Then the ones with those huge bikes, the eliminators thinking those are in the league of Harley Davidson! Hmmmm....LAME! I actually crashed my car into one of them! And guess what the guy thought! I'm at Monza, curving into the dangerous Ascari chicane! Casey Stoner is on my ass, I gotta pick up the speed no matter if I'm joining some highway at the end of the road! I've gotta stop Casey, no matter what! Zoooom he went and his ephemeral success was suddenly brought to light! BRAKE MAAR! What's more he was riding with someone else who scratched his back, and he's asking me for cash! This is exactly the point where your ego stands tall! But wait a minute, its not my fault! I'm getting home, sorry to interrupt with your race and you're making me pay because you crashed out?
The other day I was riding on the Eastern Expressway! Foul mood means I treat my car like the bikers! Even nanometres are scrutinized and lanes are cut like warm bread! Anyway I was pretty fast! At that time I was feeling a perfectly ambivalent state of mind, because driving was taking it away! I was in between the 1st and the 2nd lane and saw a little gap opening up! And to my horror, a biker with a pillion rider! If I had made my move, I surely would've killed two people but without any regrets! Braked hard, good enough to probably burn my discs! I honked like mad! Yea when I'm irritated I just keep honking, probably continuously to drain my battery until they move out of the way! However this guy was adamant! He wouldnt budge! And for the rest of the road I was stuck between a truck and bus! Heavenly feeling!! :P
They wear those Kimi Raikkonen replica helmets! Too bad not even 1% of Kimi's skill is transferred on such mediocre actions! You've been embellished with man's 3rd best creation though funny it doesnt give more than 40% efficiency! Make good use of it rather than running over people! Desultory performances are often condoned even by remotely smart people!
I hate bikers, probably more than Justin Beiber and Williams Sisters and Sergio Busquets and Tom Henning Ovrebo and others on my hitlist! Dont delineate something to hate, something extremely caustic to your ownself! Be safe, ride safe and let our cuspids work with enough efficacy to leave the veins from coagulation! Cheers!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The Great Indian J(oke)udicial System!
Order Order!
Lets take a sneak peak into the World's most ridiculed judicial system! India has the biggest constitution in the World. Something to be proud of? Ummmm, crime rates are probably accelerating faster than Buggati Veyron! The root of the problem actually lies in the consistency of these rules! They're incomprehensive like English to a Bihari! The ones who drafted it, took 3 years to do it! They just forgot India has a life after they die! They did leave us with the procedure of amendment, just that its too complex, even more difficult than understanding Neurosurgery!
Anyway remembering the most remote version of Civics, the Executive is to be differentiated from the Judiciary! There should be no interference! Thats the ground rule! Okay funny because one guy makes the law the other guy executes it! They're talking like they're absolute experts on how things work! Good for them! We'll stick to the ground rule and deep dive into the judiciary wing!
Procedures! India is a country with procedure. Everything goes according to procedure! No no, we have a lot of time on our hands! We have to do everything by the book and then get fucked by the book as well! I'm not asking you to break the rules, but we can bend the rules to speed up proceedings. There are nearly 30 million pending cases in India, 30 million! Thats more than double the population of Mumbai! And we're still gonna do it by the book! Apparently even if all courts work day and night, 24 hours, they'll clear all the cases in another 320 years! Yes thats correct, 320 years! My grand grand grand children will be dead by then! And we're still gonna do it by the book!
Paperwork! The day India shifts to electronic systems, I'll probably stop taking the case of those poor Williams sisters! Everything has to be on paper! Come on guys seriously? We can save jungles by saving on those useless junk of archives that you're making for nothing! Further reference for cases can be done on computers! Why arent we using modern systems? Why are we still stuck on stone age? Adam and Eve would've had a facepalm moment by now! And then they come preaching about Global Warming!
The court is adjourned. We should have the electric chair for the retard who says this again and again for no reason. The court is adjourned for this break, that break, for the day, for 2 weeks, 10 weeks! Sit at home and enjoy your freaking food! You're here to speed up justice not speed up the list of cases!
Its really saddening to know this. The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and High Court draw maximum salary in a bid to keep them off outside influence. Now even with all the government benefits, their salary cumulates to around Rs. 40,000 a month! What a JOKE! 40 grand a month for the loser who cant speed up justice! And then you say he should'nt be prone to outside influence! Two ways of looking at this is dishonorable impeachment in public or stepping it up to actually keep their coffers full of cash!
India doesnt even have a fully defined WITSEC plan! If you're not gonna protect your witness in an extreme high profile case then you cant blame him to go hostile! Duh! You would have done that yourself! I mean seriously you want me to step and put my life on stake for the sake of truth in an occurrence where I was just present for no fault of mine? Sure, I'd even want to sleep with some 3rd grade mallu porn actress! The Police lose key evidence thanks to negligence and not centralized evidence archiving is present in any city! Come on guys, wake up!
I feel for people who actually look up to these money making boulders for justice. No one really cares about what is happening. A girl gets raped today, she finally gathers some courage to file the case. The inspector might be bought off. If the case manages to go ahead to the court it'll come after some years, probably 10-15 when the girl is either dead or even over her trauma. And then she has to go through the whole procedure again. If the guy is charged with the crime, he can pay his way out by getting an expensive lawyer compared to the court hired magistrate. He could pay the judge off. He could pay a bail and be let off easily. So much wait for such an end? Yea sure its fitting!
Qasab is still enjoying the cherries of the Indian Judicial Ice cream he eats everyday. They cant find a hangman to hang him? Good enough to burn 4 crores on him though! Jessica Lall case took 7 years to bring the guilty to justice. The legal loopholes were exploited beyond all means to seek a parole which took another two weeks to ratify by the High Court! He got a 30 day parole! The issue went to the Supreme Court and in 2010 the sentence has been upheld, Jessica Lall was murdered in 1999! 11 years and the case is still on! Superb work guys! Funnily the guilty were also almost acquitted!
Here's a little line from there,"The police failed to recover the weapon which was used to fire at Jessica Lal as well as prove their theory that the two cartridges, emptied shells of which were recovered from the spot, were fired from one weapon,; “all three eyewitnesses listed by the police in its charge sheet, namely, Shiv Lal Yadav, an electrician at Tamarind Court, actor Shyan Munshi and Karan Rajput, a visitor at the restaurant that night, turning hostile during the trial."
The Bhopal Gas Tragedy totally adds to it! A leakage of Methyl Isocyanite killed 2300 people in 1984. The legal issue went on and on and on and on and on until 2010. It was because of a takeover of the Union Carbide Factory. And finally 8 ex employes were charged with $2000 fine and 2 years of imprisonment for death due to negligience. 25 years later! The case has hit a silver jubilee and all the families got was a raw deal! Wow, I'm proud of my judicial system!
My dad was a lawyer by profession, probably the best decision he made 35 years ago was to give up law when he was a junior magistrate. Lawyers are assets of an country, only in this place they're too much of a liability! Everyday millions die with the hopes that they will make it big in this profession. The laws are lax, the people enforcing the laws are lax, the people are killed over million times again and again because of this ridiculous inefficient system.
Its not like I hate India, its just that they're not giving me too many reasons to love it! I'm just writing on what I see. Tomorrow if I demand justice, yea I trust my Judicial System so very much that they'll give me the just decision, after years of paperwork, adjourned courts, following stupid procedures, and yea, finally my grand grand grand kids will see the justice for me! Cheers!
Lets take a sneak peak into the World's most ridiculed judicial system! India has the biggest constitution in the World. Something to be proud of? Ummmm, crime rates are probably accelerating faster than Buggati Veyron! The root of the problem actually lies in the consistency of these rules! They're incomprehensive like English to a Bihari! The ones who drafted it, took 3 years to do it! They just forgot India has a life after they die! They did leave us with the procedure of amendment, just that its too complex, even more difficult than understanding Neurosurgery!
Anyway remembering the most remote version of Civics, the Executive is to be differentiated from the Judiciary! There should be no interference! Thats the ground rule! Okay funny because one guy makes the law the other guy executes it! They're talking like they're absolute experts on how things work! Good for them! We'll stick to the ground rule and deep dive into the judiciary wing!
Procedures! India is a country with procedure. Everything goes according to procedure! No no, we have a lot of time on our hands! We have to do everything by the book and then get fucked by the book as well! I'm not asking you to break the rules, but we can bend the rules to speed up proceedings. There are nearly 30 million pending cases in India, 30 million! Thats more than double the population of Mumbai! And we're still gonna do it by the book! Apparently even if all courts work day and night, 24 hours, they'll clear all the cases in another 320 years! Yes thats correct, 320 years! My grand grand grand children will be dead by then! And we're still gonna do it by the book!
Paperwork! The day India shifts to electronic systems, I'll probably stop taking the case of those poor Williams sisters! Everything has to be on paper! Come on guys seriously? We can save jungles by saving on those useless junk of archives that you're making for nothing! Further reference for cases can be done on computers! Why arent we using modern systems? Why are we still stuck on stone age? Adam and Eve would've had a facepalm moment by now! And then they come preaching about Global Warming!
The court is adjourned. We should have the electric chair for the retard who says this again and again for no reason. The court is adjourned for this break, that break, for the day, for 2 weeks, 10 weeks! Sit at home and enjoy your freaking food! You're here to speed up justice not speed up the list of cases!
Its really saddening to know this. The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and High Court draw maximum salary in a bid to keep them off outside influence. Now even with all the government benefits, their salary cumulates to around Rs. 40,000 a month! What a JOKE! 40 grand a month for the loser who cant speed up justice! And then you say he should'nt be prone to outside influence! Two ways of looking at this is dishonorable impeachment in public or stepping it up to actually keep their coffers full of cash!
India doesnt even have a fully defined WITSEC plan! If you're not gonna protect your witness in an extreme high profile case then you cant blame him to go hostile! Duh! You would have done that yourself! I mean seriously you want me to step and put my life on stake for the sake of truth in an occurrence where I was just present for no fault of mine? Sure, I'd even want to sleep with some 3rd grade mallu porn actress! The Police lose key evidence thanks to negligence and not centralized evidence archiving is present in any city! Come on guys, wake up!
I feel for people who actually look up to these money making boulders for justice. No one really cares about what is happening. A girl gets raped today, she finally gathers some courage to file the case. The inspector might be bought off. If the case manages to go ahead to the court it'll come after some years, probably 10-15 when the girl is either dead or even over her trauma. And then she has to go through the whole procedure again. If the guy is charged with the crime, he can pay his way out by getting an expensive lawyer compared to the court hired magistrate. He could pay the judge off. He could pay a bail and be let off easily. So much wait for such an end? Yea sure its fitting!
Qasab is still enjoying the cherries of the Indian Judicial Ice cream he eats everyday. They cant find a hangman to hang him? Good enough to burn 4 crores on him though! Jessica Lall case took 7 years to bring the guilty to justice. The legal loopholes were exploited beyond all means to seek a parole which took another two weeks to ratify by the High Court! He got a 30 day parole! The issue went to the Supreme Court and in 2010 the sentence has been upheld, Jessica Lall was murdered in 1999! 11 years and the case is still on! Superb work guys! Funnily the guilty were also almost acquitted!
Here's a little line from there,"The police failed to recover the weapon which was used to fire at Jessica Lal as well as prove their theory that the two cartridges, emptied shells of which were recovered from the spot, were fired from one weapon,; “all three eyewitnesses listed by the police in its charge sheet, namely, Shiv Lal Yadav, an electrician at Tamarind Court, actor Shyan Munshi and Karan Rajput, a visitor at the restaurant that night, turning hostile during the trial."
The Bhopal Gas Tragedy totally adds to it! A leakage of Methyl Isocyanite killed 2300 people in 1984. The legal issue went on and on and on and on and on until 2010. It was because of a takeover of the Union Carbide Factory. And finally 8 ex employes were charged with $2000 fine and 2 years of imprisonment for death due to negligience. 25 years later! The case has hit a silver jubilee and all the families got was a raw deal! Wow, I'm proud of my judicial system!
My dad was a lawyer by profession, probably the best decision he made 35 years ago was to give up law when he was a junior magistrate. Lawyers are assets of an country, only in this place they're too much of a liability! Everyday millions die with the hopes that they will make it big in this profession. The laws are lax, the people enforcing the laws are lax, the people are killed over million times again and again because of this ridiculous inefficient system.
Its not like I hate India, its just that they're not giving me too many reasons to love it! I'm just writing on what I see. Tomorrow if I demand justice, yea I trust my Judicial System so very much that they'll give me the just decision, after years of paperwork, adjourned courts, following stupid procedures, and yea, finally my grand grand grand kids will see the justice for me! Cheers!
After Effects of FSAE!
I could account half my life's achievements to Orion Racing India! Probably the major attitude shaping came from ORI! But then everything comes with a price! No no I did not lose my girlfriend because of FSAE since FSAE has been termed as,"When you just cant get rid of a girlfriend!". These things are potential relationship killers! No I did not lose touch with my family as well! I just felt like I'm introduced to a new world and everytime you look at a car or even drive one, your mind just goes like the movies where the mechanism starts animating your mind!
Initially the phase seemed really good! Yea chics were impressed when they see your Business Card and when you keep talking about Germany and stuff! I wasnt doing it to impress them anyway! So finally when you learn a lot application becomes binding! And you finally apply your new found knowledge to those menacing machines and a sense of satisfaction then touches you! Oh yes, your myths busted and probably a smile breaks on your face thinking how dumb you were to either believe whatever someone said back then or not applying general physics to understand the working!
Anyway, Claude Rouelle told me,"The more you know, the more you dont know!". Pragmatists will totally agree with this line! I did too! I attended his seminar and I really have a feeling he's injected me with a concentrated dose of Vehicle Dynamics that now too much application can be detrimental to self, might even cause permanent mental trauma! Infact the fever started ever since I got my certificate that day! On my way back I had taken the Volvo with "Air Suspension"! Wow! The bus was rocking and I was actually thinking about the roll frequency! Everytime the bus braked or accelerated the squatting and diving came to my mind, weight transfer on the wheels, thinking which ones were getting worn out faster!
Funnily this is only the starters! Things are about to get worse! Some of you'll might have serious facepalm moments! Anyway here it goes, I took the purple Kinglong bus once! I was really happy that we had Air Conditioned buses in that scorching heat! However all my happiness was about to be shifted into reverse gear! They were Chinese! Damn! What dampers are they using? I sat in the bus and it zoomed off the stop! Automatic gears! Sweet! Just that the bus couldnt take the load when the momentum broke on braking! Moving on, extra soft springs! Great takes the bump real good, but what about the vibrations then? I'm sure they used the damper to get rid of the Transient state but then the dampers are Chinese! Steady state amplitude becomes too high to make the ride uncomfortable!
I was never a patient of motion sickness! But the extreme roll frequencies just made me one! God, dont they use an ARB? You're sitting in the bus and you can actually feel your blood going from left to right 100 times a second! I could hear my heart beating! Finally I get off the bus only to see the check valve was again Chinese! What a disappointment!
I finally met a friend of mine after a long time! We're sitting at an exclusive coffee outlet and talking. However my mind races like the Ferrari! I could see all cars moving, and suddenly the sky was filled with mathematical equations predicting various damping equations and temperatures and kinds of chassis and what not! Some cars looked stable, some looked they were made for BAJA, some looked like they can be driven only the Expressway! I could hardly have the 500 bucks coffee! My friend's best attempts to talk me out of it were probably the most failed ones in life! I'm observing the tires and my mind smirks,"Ha, he's using JK! He's not going over a year and half with them! Buy Michelin!". Then you have others with real bad weight transfer issues causing even the rims to bend bad! Shit, do they even design the car properly?
Anyway I took a Hyundai car once to some place. These guys actually believe soft is good! Okay I prefer softer springs but not the ones that have their static deflection equal to the maximum compression! Then you feel like you're riding a boat on the road! Streamlined stuff! On the other end of swing balance is Maruti Suzuki! Extra hard springs so that your car remains stable but your ass doesnt! You might actually come out with a sore ass after a long ride! My Indigo has some hybrid of Japanese and Chinese technologies! Initially it was as brilliant as the Japanese tech! Super sexy dampers and springs and stuff! In 1 year I feel I'm riding a bullock cart now, probably worse than Chinese! Never trust Tata, Golden rule of life!
Then I was off to Tiger point once! Where my beloved Indigo got stuck on a steep slope! Shifted into one, revved the engine to 4000 rpm and let the clutch go and boom the car was up the slope! Then I could smell the tears from my engine! And another animation comes to light! The one of the piston rings getting their asses rubbed against the cylinder walls! Aah, they get worn out, engine oil is boiled and my intake charge enters the crankcase! Aah, I'm gonna need some Positive Crankcase Ventilation! Probably a new set of piston rings, a better tension fan belt!
Worst was during exams! I'm waiting outside the cabin of my life's deadliest professor for the deadliest vivas of my life! When my mind should be thinking all about engines, this car walks up near me. I happen to glance at the tires, by now its a reflex action! Apollo! God help him! Then you look at the tire pressure! I'm sure he was running low on it looking at the shoulder! It was like almost pressed to the ground! And the world opens up again! Shit his tire shoulders are tired, what about the contact patch! We should get a pressure sensitive strip! Tire stiffness, all his suspension settings will be screwed!
These are times when I feel I should be admitted to Shutter Island! I have literally gone mad! My life has become something really animated! Hope I can find a good enough damper to kill the transient vibrations! Cheers!
Initially the phase seemed really good! Yea chics were impressed when they see your Business Card and when you keep talking about Germany and stuff! I wasnt doing it to impress them anyway! So finally when you learn a lot application becomes binding! And you finally apply your new found knowledge to those menacing machines and a sense of satisfaction then touches you! Oh yes, your myths busted and probably a smile breaks on your face thinking how dumb you were to either believe whatever someone said back then or not applying general physics to understand the working!
Anyway, Claude Rouelle told me,"The more you know, the more you dont know!". Pragmatists will totally agree with this line! I did too! I attended his seminar and I really have a feeling he's injected me with a concentrated dose of Vehicle Dynamics that now too much application can be detrimental to self, might even cause permanent mental trauma! Infact the fever started ever since I got my certificate that day! On my way back I had taken the Volvo with "Air Suspension"! Wow! The bus was rocking and I was actually thinking about the roll frequency! Everytime the bus braked or accelerated the squatting and diving came to my mind, weight transfer on the wheels, thinking which ones were getting worn out faster!
Funnily this is only the starters! Things are about to get worse! Some of you'll might have serious facepalm moments! Anyway here it goes, I took the purple Kinglong bus once! I was really happy that we had Air Conditioned buses in that scorching heat! However all my happiness was about to be shifted into reverse gear! They were Chinese! Damn! What dampers are they using? I sat in the bus and it zoomed off the stop! Automatic gears! Sweet! Just that the bus couldnt take the load when the momentum broke on braking! Moving on, extra soft springs! Great takes the bump real good, but what about the vibrations then? I'm sure they used the damper to get rid of the Transient state but then the dampers are Chinese! Steady state amplitude becomes too high to make the ride uncomfortable!
I was never a patient of motion sickness! But the extreme roll frequencies just made me one! God, dont they use an ARB? You're sitting in the bus and you can actually feel your blood going from left to right 100 times a second! I could hear my heart beating! Finally I get off the bus only to see the check valve was again Chinese! What a disappointment!
I finally met a friend of mine after a long time! We're sitting at an exclusive coffee outlet and talking. However my mind races like the Ferrari! I could see all cars moving, and suddenly the sky was filled with mathematical equations predicting various damping equations and temperatures and kinds of chassis and what not! Some cars looked stable, some looked they were made for BAJA, some looked like they can be driven only the Expressway! I could hardly have the 500 bucks coffee! My friend's best attempts to talk me out of it were probably the most failed ones in life! I'm observing the tires and my mind smirks,"Ha, he's using JK! He's not going over a year and half with them! Buy Michelin!". Then you have others with real bad weight transfer issues causing even the rims to bend bad! Shit, do they even design the car properly?
Anyway I took a Hyundai car once to some place. These guys actually believe soft is good! Okay I prefer softer springs but not the ones that have their static deflection equal to the maximum compression! Then you feel like you're riding a boat on the road! Streamlined stuff! On the other end of swing balance is Maruti Suzuki! Extra hard springs so that your car remains stable but your ass doesnt! You might actually come out with a sore ass after a long ride! My Indigo has some hybrid of Japanese and Chinese technologies! Initially it was as brilliant as the Japanese tech! Super sexy dampers and springs and stuff! In 1 year I feel I'm riding a bullock cart now, probably worse than Chinese! Never trust Tata, Golden rule of life!
Then I was off to Tiger point once! Where my beloved Indigo got stuck on a steep slope! Shifted into one, revved the engine to 4000 rpm and let the clutch go and boom the car was up the slope! Then I could smell the tears from my engine! And another animation comes to light! The one of the piston rings getting their asses rubbed against the cylinder walls! Aah, they get worn out, engine oil is boiled and my intake charge enters the crankcase! Aah, I'm gonna need some Positive Crankcase Ventilation! Probably a new set of piston rings, a better tension fan belt!
Worst was during exams! I'm waiting outside the cabin of my life's deadliest professor for the deadliest vivas of my life! When my mind should be thinking all about engines, this car walks up near me. I happen to glance at the tires, by now its a reflex action! Apollo! God help him! Then you look at the tire pressure! I'm sure he was running low on it looking at the shoulder! It was like almost pressed to the ground! And the world opens up again! Shit his tire shoulders are tired, what about the contact patch! We should get a pressure sensitive strip! Tire stiffness, all his suspension settings will be screwed!
These are times when I feel I should be admitted to Shutter Island! I have literally gone mad! My life has become something really animated! Hope I can find a good enough damper to kill the transient vibrations! Cheers!
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Perfect Way to Drive in Mumbai!
The last time someone told me it is so much fun to drive in Mumbai, he also told me the Williams Sisters were "FUCKING HOT!". Half the city is dug up, the other half has potholes! Probably the biggest challenge for Suspension designers, design a car for Mumbai! If he's a virgin, he'll lose it soon!
Basically before you even turn the ignition you wanna make sure your co-passenger is wearing the seat belt, no no, not for safety issues but you wanna keep 100 bucks more cash in your wallet from the pandus!
Anyway, you shift into neutral, turn the key and the engine roars to life! This is exactly the moment when you should feel like Speed Racer. Your eyes becoming narrow with only one target in your mind, reaching the place in minimum time, yes even one millionth of a second counts! Your hands on the wheel feeling the car, and you feel like pulling down the visor, just that its as hypothetical as the Mach 5! Anyway you rev a little, like its a drag race! Press the clutch shift into one and off you go!
Now if you wanna act all cool, probably impress the "LAME CHICS" on the road, you could do a wheel spin and change your muffler tip to pump up the exhaust volume. I dont understand how its a turn on for people! Play loud music, probably some badly premixed house music with a woofer, so much so that only the vibrations are visibly felt and the "LAME CHICS" would go "Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooott!"
The 1st obstacle you'll face is public transport. Mumbai's 2nd lifeline and its a big PAIN IN THE ASS! The yellow and black 150cc guys actually believe "YEH MERE BAAP KA RAASTA HAI" And they feel they're Michael Schumacher's remote reincarnation and they've been given a 7 litre Mercedes to drive. They're gonna come racing and switching lanes like Tiger Woods' frequency of having sex! Oh yes and it can get frustrating beyond boundaries! At that time you'd want you're playing GTA Vice City and shoot the hell out of that guy and bang his ric so bad that it turns up in flames! Then there will be cases of two rics covering every lane of the narrow road and you're caught up behind them! Ahhh, you honk your ass out but its against their ego to move. So the two will race until one actually beats the other one! At this time you feel you're a part of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series and your fangs appear growling and giving khunnnus to the ric driver while overtaking.
From statics point of view, these rics are the major cause of every traffic jam that happens in the city! Everyone's driving and is in such a hurry to get everywhere, it feels like his wife is being banged by his best friend and he needs to get home before its too late! Too bad, probably she's even enjoyed it! And these guys are too space conscious, yes its good to have such an attitude in Mumbai but then you cant make the best use of it everytime! They'll look for microns, trust me, microns and even try and get into that kind of space revving their two stroke engines causing more pollution! And finally a crossing is totally blocked and you cannot just move out of it with the other guys pushing in as well! Its even worse than chaos! Its like someone scratching a blackboard! No wonder India's gonna have people with maximum heart issues!
Moving on, you finally reach a quiet street with a sign of no honking. Then you see a stray dog scuttling across the street, the inexperienced will honk their guts out making the dog feel so guilty about crossing the street. Yea well the case isnt really different with the pedestrians as well! They walk like they own the street, "KYA UKHADLEGA?". Simple, bang into them so hard, "PURI LIFE UKHAD JAAYE!". Then when you have to park the car. Aah, this city is devoid of free spaces! In a two lane road, one I can use for parking! Temporary, I'll switch my parking lights on. Job done. Then when you have traffic from both sides, I still wont budge my ass! Then 3 cars are somehow squeezed into it, you might even have clashing of rub rails!
Anyway enough of city driving. Lets move on to higher mileage options. The highway. Trucker's paradise! Last time I read a caption on Expressway, "Speed thrills but kills!" They should change it to, "Slow Speed truly kills without any thrills!" The minute your speedo touches below 60 KMPH you should consider yourself epic fail for no finding a way through. Oh yes, make the best use of every lane available and space left by other cars. Cut lanes, give yourself the Superman feeling! Drafting is an essential part of it! Keep drifting through the lanes until you find spaces and hit the throttle so hard that you get a turbo jerk! If someone told you never overtake from left, ask him to "FUCK OFF!". Simple and subtle! Make the truckers feel like you're Dominic Torretto and you're gonna rip him off by moving all around him just like in Fast and Furious. Supress other cars happily if you feel the other lane is going faster! Let them honk, you probably wanna show him the middle finger, just make sure you're going faster! Alternative option is from "Meet the Fockers!". Get a vinly made, "HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY!". Then let the little fucktard press the horn! Remember, every millionth of a second counts, so make the best of it!
Alternative factors will involve Best Buses! I respected them for their judgements, ultimate GODS! Even better than Aryton Senna! However they dont like when someone overtakes them! So expect them to stop in front of the road and wait for the passengers to barge into the bus to screw the leaf springs on just one side! So you probably wanna keep your temperament mild at this time! Others you'll face are amateur drivers! These guys have no idea whats happening around them! They'll drive like they're in some kind of trance, the one you feel when you see Megan Fox! They'll drive in their own Fantasy World and by the time they realise cutting into right wasnt a very good option they'll swing their wheel full left making you feel like that either the guy or the car is drunk! With a little more chauvinism, 99% chics drive like that!
So the next time someone tells you, stick to one lane, dont cross the speed limit, never overtake from the left, obey every freaking signal in town, just look them in the eyes and give one fiery look, enough to break their conscience down, sniff a little and blurt, I've read Mehul's guide, trust me!
P. S. - It might be counter productive with your dad! :P Cheers!
Basically before you even turn the ignition you wanna make sure your co-passenger is wearing the seat belt, no no, not for safety issues but you wanna keep 100 bucks more cash in your wallet from the pandus!
Anyway, you shift into neutral, turn the key and the engine roars to life! This is exactly the moment when you should feel like Speed Racer. Your eyes becoming narrow with only one target in your mind, reaching the place in minimum time, yes even one millionth of a second counts! Your hands on the wheel feeling the car, and you feel like pulling down the visor, just that its as hypothetical as the Mach 5! Anyway you rev a little, like its a drag race! Press the clutch shift into one and off you go!
Now if you wanna act all cool, probably impress the "LAME CHICS" on the road, you could do a wheel spin and change your muffler tip to pump up the exhaust volume. I dont understand how its a turn on for people! Play loud music, probably some badly premixed house music with a woofer, so much so that only the vibrations are visibly felt and the "LAME CHICS" would go "Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooott!"
The 1st obstacle you'll face is public transport. Mumbai's 2nd lifeline and its a big PAIN IN THE ASS! The yellow and black 150cc guys actually believe "YEH MERE BAAP KA RAASTA HAI" And they feel they're Michael Schumacher's remote reincarnation and they've been given a 7 litre Mercedes to drive. They're gonna come racing and switching lanes like Tiger Woods' frequency of having sex! Oh yes and it can get frustrating beyond boundaries! At that time you'd want you're playing GTA Vice City and shoot the hell out of that guy and bang his ric so bad that it turns up in flames! Then there will be cases of two rics covering every lane of the narrow road and you're caught up behind them! Ahhh, you honk your ass out but its against their ego to move. So the two will race until one actually beats the other one! At this time you feel you're a part of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series and your fangs appear growling and giving khunnnus to the ric driver while overtaking.
From statics point of view, these rics are the major cause of every traffic jam that happens in the city! Everyone's driving and is in such a hurry to get everywhere, it feels like his wife is being banged by his best friend and he needs to get home before its too late! Too bad, probably she's even enjoyed it! And these guys are too space conscious, yes its good to have such an attitude in Mumbai but then you cant make the best use of it everytime! They'll look for microns, trust me, microns and even try and get into that kind of space revving their two stroke engines causing more pollution! And finally a crossing is totally blocked and you cannot just move out of it with the other guys pushing in as well! Its even worse than chaos! Its like someone scratching a blackboard! No wonder India's gonna have people with maximum heart issues!
Moving on, you finally reach a quiet street with a sign of no honking. Then you see a stray dog scuttling across the street, the inexperienced will honk their guts out making the dog feel so guilty about crossing the street. Yea well the case isnt really different with the pedestrians as well! They walk like they own the street, "KYA UKHADLEGA?". Simple, bang into them so hard, "PURI LIFE UKHAD JAAYE!". Then when you have to park the car. Aah, this city is devoid of free spaces! In a two lane road, one I can use for parking! Temporary, I'll switch my parking lights on. Job done. Then when you have traffic from both sides, I still wont budge my ass! Then 3 cars are somehow squeezed into it, you might even have clashing of rub rails!
Anyway enough of city driving. Lets move on to higher mileage options. The highway. Trucker's paradise! Last time I read a caption on Expressway, "Speed thrills but kills!" They should change it to, "Slow Speed truly kills without any thrills!" The minute your speedo touches below 60 KMPH you should consider yourself epic fail for no finding a way through. Oh yes, make the best use of every lane available and space left by other cars. Cut lanes, give yourself the Superman feeling! Drafting is an essential part of it! Keep drifting through the lanes until you find spaces and hit the throttle so hard that you get a turbo jerk! If someone told you never overtake from left, ask him to "FUCK OFF!". Simple and subtle! Make the truckers feel like you're Dominic Torretto and you're gonna rip him off by moving all around him just like in Fast and Furious. Supress other cars happily if you feel the other lane is going faster! Let them honk, you probably wanna show him the middle finger, just make sure you're going faster! Alternative option is from "Meet the Fockers!". Get a vinly made, "HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY!". Then let the little fucktard press the horn! Remember, every millionth of a second counts, so make the best of it!
Alternative factors will involve Best Buses! I respected them for their judgements, ultimate GODS! Even better than Aryton Senna! However they dont like when someone overtakes them! So expect them to stop in front of the road and wait for the passengers to barge into the bus to screw the leaf springs on just one side! So you probably wanna keep your temperament mild at this time! Others you'll face are amateur drivers! These guys have no idea whats happening around them! They'll drive like they're in some kind of trance, the one you feel when you see Megan Fox! They'll drive in their own Fantasy World and by the time they realise cutting into right wasnt a very good option they'll swing their wheel full left making you feel like that either the guy or the car is drunk! With a little more chauvinism, 99% chics drive like that!
So the next time someone tells you, stick to one lane, dont cross the speed limit, never overtake from the left, obey every freaking signal in town, just look them in the eyes and give one fiery look, enough to break their conscience down, sniff a little and blurt, I've read Mehul's guide, trust me!
P. S. - It might be counter productive with your dad! :P Cheers!
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